


See the freak in me

by ShittyKittyPoopetry



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Hufflepuff Simon, Legilimens alec, M/M, Malec, Saphael, Slytherin Magnus, Slytherin Raphael, hufflepuff alec
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-10-23
Packaged: 2018-10-19 16:53:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 42,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10644090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShittyKittyPoopetry/pseuds/ShittyKittyPoopetry
Summary: Legilimens- a witch or a wizard born with the ability to read mindsMalec and Saphael Hogwarts AUAlec is a mind-reading freak, who has to keep that secret at any cost.Magnus might have an unhealthy obsession with the boy.Raphael is so sparkly in the sun.And Simon definitly has to stop thinking so much for poor Alecs sake.Much gay. Much sparkle. Much magic.





	1. My past has tasted bitter for years now

**Author's Note:**

> This idea was in my mind for a while and i decided to finally upload it.  
> First off i blame my amazing San-chan for getting me into the Malec/Saphael Hogwards AU world. I just adore the idea of Hufflepuff Alec and Slytherin Magnus.  
> So shoutout to her! Not to mention the adorable smart Julia who helped me out a lot with Hogwards ideas and also beta read for me! You are a true fellow Rawenclaw and i am so happy to have your support with this story! Making you giggle and exited with this story made my day so many times! And i can´t remember all the times i reached out to you for this story so thanx for always answering my rambling of voicemails! Thank you for helping me with the title when i was undecided! And of course last but not least the cute Tan-chan who also beta read for me and also helped me discuss many headcanons. If it weren´t for you guys i probs would have been so much slower writing this but all the support really got my hand writing like wusch! Of course i must thank my girlfriend too since you were listening to my malec and saphael rambling so much even before i got you into the fandom!  
> I just adore all of you and thank you so much for being this great support.  
> you´re all part of this story in your own way.
> 
> now that´s all my shoutouts for now and now dearest reader go enjoy this story!  
> Comments and ideas or wishes are always welcome and make this writer feel loved !  
> Magical day to you all!
> 
>  
> 
> Legilimens- a witch or a wizard born with the ability to read minds.

The first time Alec had disappointed his mother had been just after he had entered Hogwarts to attent to his studies of magic, as it was every young wizards dream. Alec had always been expected to be a Slytherin or a Rawenclaw, seeing as both houses had a tradition in the Lightwood family. His adoptive brother Jace, who entered one year later, became a Gryffindor and it hadn´t been a problem.

"Hufflpuff!" the sorting hat had screamed, hovering over his head and young Alec knew that meant trouble. His parents had always talked lightly about Hufflepuffs, as they were the most "weak-willed" wizards in their opinion. And their opinion was law for their children. As the hands clapped and everyone cheered Alec heard nothing but the disapproving voice of his mother. And he had been right. The next morning he had gotten no letter. Everyone had gotten one, congratulating proud parents. But not Alec.

The first time he had disappointed his mother without her knowing was when he understood what the voices in his head meant. He had always been able to hide it before. He never ever wanted his mother to find out, since he knew from a young age what she thought about genetic freaks. Or anything that was just slightly different really. To differ from the perfect wizard was not something the Lightwood family allowed.

When Alec had been five his mother had come home quite angry after a day at the ministerium, ranting about how much she hated those mind-reading freaks. How much it creaped her out and how she wanted a law to lock those people away, since they were way too dangerous.

The worst thing was how Alec had known all this even before she had opened her mouth. This was the very moment, young Alec knew he was one of them. He was a Legislimens, one of those mind-reading freaks his mother hated so much. And Alec knew he had to learn to lock this part of himself away forever. No matter how big of a headache he would get from surpressing all those voices in his head, trying hard not to listen to thoughts but pay attention to spoken words instead, he kept going, successfully hiding it.

The second time he disappointed his mother without her knowing was when in fifth grade a girl had tried to kiss him. He should have seen it coming since he heard his own name in her thoughts a little too often.

But he didn´t. And he paniced. And he ran away. And as he hid behind a corner he realized he had never felt attracted to girls, like all the other boys his age. And with a pale face he slid down to the ground, hearing his own cruel thoughts say: "And you know you never will. Congratulations freak."


	2. Who you think you´re kidding?

His sixth year in Hogwarts had just started and Alec already knew that he was utterly fucked.

As he stared on the paper that had appeared in front of him after he had stopped eating his first breakfast in the Great Hall in this schoolyear he just couldn´t belive his fuckin luck.

He had more than half of his lessons paired with the Slytherins of his year. And even though Alec had no problems with Slytherins at all, the days of judgement towards this house long left behind and he himself had learned best not to judge houses, since he didn´t want to be the same as his parents, who judged the Hufflepuff House in every opportunity, Alec still felt nervous.

But that was rather because of a certain boy. 

The first time Alec had realized how attractive this certain Slytherin was, and how gay and closeted he himself was, had been at the end of last semester in the weeks following the kiss incident. And Alec never before had felt this attracted to someone like this. It hit him hard and way too fast for his liking. So the only way Alec had known to react was to surpress and make sure to escape as soon as Slytherin robes came into sight. And now this. 

 

 

"You look nervous." Simon commented first thing when he saw him the next day. Their first day of offical school and their first lesson of the day-Potions with the Slytherins. Alec looked up when he heard the voice of his friend.

"Seriously you ok? You´re not nervous about sharing classes with Slytherins now are you? And don´t look so surprised Alec, we´ve been friends for years now, of course i noticed how you run away whenever a Slytherin is nearby since year five. I don´t exactly understand why, i have to confess, seeing as you were fine with them til then. Did something happen involving someone from the Slytherin house?"

Alec looked at his proud smiling friend shocked. Sometimes he wondered who was the mind-reading one here. Not like Simon knew, but that boy was good at guessing. A little bit too good for Alecs liking. "No! I mean nothing really. Guess i am just a lil awkward since i know no one in that house yet and we´ll probably be forced to team up with each other for projects and stuff. So just me being socially awkward and all ..." Alec rambled, maybe a little bit too quick and too much. Simon side-eyed him but then apparently decided to belive him.

He clasped a hand on Alecs shoulder and giggled at him. "Aww you´re so cute! Don´t worry honbun! If anyone will be able to make friends with Slytherins i am sure it will be you. You´re such a nice softie under all these layers of grump."

"Don´t say i´m grumpy!" Alec mumbled. "Cause i am not." Simon gave him a look that seemed to ask him if he was freaking serious. "Alec you are known to be the grumpiest looking Hufflepuff. And you always look pissed. Like someone just stole your favourite last candy." Simon added in a serious tone while they kept walking through the corridors to their classroom. "And don´t look offended. You know we all love you for this. You´re such a cutie grumpy of a Hufflepuff."

"It´s not my fault the rest of you guys walk around smiling like you just won candy." Alec commented back, trying to sound annoyed but couldn´t really as his mouth kept betraying him, pulling up in his lazy one-sided grin. Weirdly enough he also made a comment which made Simon scream: "Everyone loves candy! Who doesn´t is probs the devil."

"And thanx. I love you guys too." Alec interrupted with a smile and Simon looked exited like he would try to hug him so he quickly kept walking, Simon behind him shouting: "Now don´t be shy!" 

Alec turned around to glare at Simon, only to see two other boys giggling behind him. Two Slytherins.

"Dios Mios, Magnus get a grib. It´s rude to just laugh at people." One of them, with slicked back hair said, even though he also was smiling lightly.

The other boy stopped giggling, still breathing hard from the sudden outburst and when said boy looked up, cat-like yellow eyes glistening with tears from laughing, Alec eyes widened in shock, as he recognized who was standing in front of him.

Said Slytherin was the one he had been trying to avoid. He knew that he would run into him sooner or later. But really rather later. And not by talking to him. Alec felt the growing need to flee the scene.

"S-Sorry guys. But did you hear that conversation? I, for one really want to get to know the most grumpiest Hufflepuff. That was just plainly adorable." Magnus-his name was Magnus!!- stepped closer next to Simon.

And then he fell silent as his eyes took in Alecs form for the first time.

  _Wow. He looks really handsome. And tall. Shit if his character is as cute as his looks i am so hoping he´s single since i´m gonna climb him like a tree._ Alecs eyes went even wider and he felt heat rising into his cheeks. He had learned to tune out thoughts, or at least not listen, no matter the headache it caused him. But Magnus thoughts had cought him off guard. It was different when Alec was the one involved in the thinking. It made him listen closer if he wanted to or not. And after hearing Magnus thoughts he knew why he always deemed the boy to be dangerous for him. 

Magnus blinked rapidly after staring at him a little bit and put on a charming smile, reaching out a hand. "I´m sorry, i swear i am not that much of a daydreamer. Normally." His friend behind him snorted in disagreement. "My name is Magnus. Magnus Bane. And you must be the most grumpy Hufflepuff? Tho i must say they should call you most handsome Hufflepuff." Magnus said with a wink. Alec fighted his blush.

"Alec. Alec Lightwood. And well ehm ... no?" Magnus smirked, somewhat clearly amused by Alecs protest towards both nicknames. "I assume that´s short for Alexander."

"Well yes but no one calls me that really..." Alec rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, while Magnus smiled even wider at those news. 

"I´m Simon!" Simon peeked in from behind them and since Magnus didn´t react he just turned to the other boy. "Simon Lewis!"

"Raphael Santiago." the other said slowly, clearly confused by Simons cheerfulness even though he got ignored.

Alec couldn´t help but grin over Simons thoughts that seemed to go wild in the very moment Raphael shook his hand.  _Oh God he´s like really scary. But also really handsome. Raphael is the name of an angel right? Oh he certainly looks like one. God Simon get your hetero under control._

"Your pulse has quickened fastly. Are you alright Lewis?"  _Dios Mios. Sure sound like a total creep in the very moment you meet a cutie. Magnus is gonna tease me for this later._ Now it was Raphaels thoughts Alec picked up on.

"Eh? What?" Simon looked confused and Raphael pointed out, a little bit too quickly to not be suspicious: "Your face is pretty red." "Ehm. Oh. Well yeah don´t worry i am fine. Just peachy. But ehm thanx for worrying ... over me ..." Simon said kinda shyly.  _Maybe only 90% hetero._ Simon thought and Alec had to grin even wider.

Then he noticed that Magnus was still looking at him fascinated. Feeling awkward Alec rubbed the back of his neck.

"Ehm ... should we get going? Lessons about to start?" he asked, basicially just wanting to get away from Magnus looks that made him feel hot in ways he didn´t want to think about. The boy in front of him made his heart flip and that made Alec exited and confused at the same time.

It didn´t help much that Raphael and Magnus decided to take the seat right behind him and Simon. And Alec once again had to note that he was utterly fucked.

How should his heart survive this?

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title inspired by "I won´t say i`m in love" from the Hercules soundtrack


	3. Get´cha head in the game

In his life as a mind-reading freak Alec had encountered all different kinds of people.

Those who didn´t seem to think at all and just spoke what they thought out loud right away, like Jace.

Those who thought so harshly about the world that Alec wanted to lock them out, like his mother.

Those who had conversations with themselves in their head, like Simon.

Those who liked to daydream in their thoughts, thinking about fond memories quite often and seemed to remember every detail like it was a movie, like Isabelle.

Those who created art in their head, like Clary.

Those who overthought every single little thing, much like Alec himself.

And those who seemed to only think about the most necessary, like Raphael. 

But Magnus Bane was a whole different story.

He wasn´t entirely sure if he should be offended or honored that for the past few weeks in all their lessons they had, Alec would always hear his own name in the other boys head. And when Magnus wasn´t busy thinking about Alec, which made it really hard for Alec to concentrate on lessons sometimes, but he wasn´t gonna complain, his mind was beautiful.

Alec had never before felt so at ease listening to someones thoughts.

He still was too awkward to talk with said Slytherin, even tho the other attempted to do so quite often, their conversations mostly one-sided and with Alec making up excuses why he gotta go. Alec had never been a man of much words. The risk of him accidently confusing the two voices, thoughts and spoken ones, was just too high.

But since he couldn´t listen to Magnus talk as much as he wanted, he listened to his thoughts more than he probably should. 

Magnus, also different from Alec himself, was just such an emotional guy. And his thoughts, even the simple ones, so full of feelings that Alec felt overwhelmed by those. He knew that they weren´t his own feelings. But he still loved feeling them.

Alec had to confess that since encountering Magnus Bane for real he had stopped hating his powers as much. And he didn´t block them as much anymore, out of a happy mood. Which made him even more happy since his constant headache disappeared.

But Alec should have known better. Happy things didn´t just happen to him. Or at least it was harder for someone like him to belive in them than it might be for others. 

 

 

The Quidditch field was packed on their next weekend. The play of the day was between Hufflepuff and Slytherin, so of course Alec came along in full Hufflepuff clothes, showing some house spirit. Smiling and cheering and even holding a banner that read: "Don´t HUFF! But we´ll make you go PUFF!"

Yeah right. Whoever thought that souded remotebly like Alec, should think again. It was all Simons fault. He had woken him up way too early this morning for a weekend and used the fact shamelessly that Alec basicially couldn´t do much than grunt and stumble along, abnormally obedient for him, if woked before eight A.M., especially before he had a coffee.

So his fellow Hufflepuff dragged him to the Hufflepuff common room, where all the others were waiting. Simon had handed him his Hufflepuff robe and scarf beforehand and had made him change into them. Later Alec would feel kinda stupid, since who really wore his robe when they didn´t have to. But Quidditch morality was a whole different thing, especially when the own house played.

Alec just stood there, still too sleepy to care, letting people draw with yellow colours on him and hang a banner round his neck.

It was only when they were already on their way to the Quidditch field that Simon had mercy on his zombie friend and bought him a coffee. Cause of course they were selling coffee at the Quidditch field. He shoved it into Alecs hands and Alec barely managed to catch it, burning himself in the progress. "Drink up you zombie!" Simon said, clasping his shouler and Alec did as told.

After a few sips he had enough sense back in his brain and he looked at the boy next to him. "Simon! What the ever loving fuck are you doing with me? Screw this! I am going back ... Using me like this ..."

Simon tried to look sorry. Tried. "We need your support Alec! I need your support! You may be the grumpiest of us, but you´re still a pretty popular Hufflepuff. Especially among the younger ones, they always say that you help the out a lot, you big softie ..." Simon was using his puppy eyes.

"Fuck no. I don´t do cheering and clapping. I don´t do quidditch. I show my support in other ways than cheering at the actual games. I always train with you guys, so you get other players to train against. Isn´t that enough?"

"I know, i know. But this game is really important for this year. We need our must beloved grump to cheer for us! Alec pretty please? Do it for the team? Do it for me?"

Alec huffed. He knew always helping the Hufflepuff team with their training, becoming their unoffical co-coach, since Simon joined them in their second year, would start biting him in the butt. Quite surprising how he had managed to avoid this exact thing for so many years now, actually, considering his popularity with the team. He had some Hufflepuffs asking him confused if he wasn´t in the team since he always trained there, multiple times before.

He looked at Simon and then started walking towards the Quidditch field again, ignoring Simons happy grin. 

While everybody else already went to their seats, Alec accompanied Simon to the changing rooms. Before they entered Alec could already hear the paniced thoughts inside and worry got the better of him and he quickly stepped inside, his first words being:"What´s wrong?"

The whole Hufflepuffteam was kneeling around their keeper, whose face showed pain. "He broke his leg by tripping on the way here ... and now the medicine witch said he can´t play like that ..."

Alec heard Simons paniced thought:  _Stuff like that actually happens?_

And if Alec hadn´t been so alarmed he probably would have snorted in amusement. "That means we have one player too less. And we don´t have any other good flier. And it probably will take a while for this to heal. And we can´t postpone the game for longer than a week because of the busy scheduele of the games and the seniors ... so we lost." Simon detected, his hand coming around himself, like he tried to shield himself from the fall of disappointment Alec felt in him and everyone else.

"Well there is one other Hufflepuff who knows the rules, is a great flier and has trained with us, so they know the other players." Their team captain said and Alec felt multiple pairs of eyes on him.

"Wait what. No way. I am no Quidditch player." Alec raised his hands in defense, shaking his head almost agressifly.

"You´ve been training with the Hufflepuffteam even before i did, Alec. And you know i asked you more than once to play for us." Their team captain noted and Simon shriked: "Yes! Alec come on! It´s our only chance to have a shot this year! Please!"

Alec couldn´t belive it. There was a good reason why he didn´t play Quidditch in the team. It drew too much attention to him. And in his years hiding, Alec had come to avoid attention. Then their keeper spoke up, pain still straining his voice: "You musn´t Alec if you really don´t want to. Nobody will judge you. But if you have just a little bit of a fighter heart in you, you would do us a great honour ..."

Alec huffed. That´s it. Decision made. "I am gonna go talk to the coach." And cheers filled the room and Alec felt claps on his back. He couldn´t surpress the grin as he hugged his teammates back. 

"I have exiting news everyone! Especially for you Izzy! You´ll never guess who is gonna replace Hufflepuffs keeper today!" Clary said, her whole voice echoing over the field with magic Alec would never understand quite really.

Clary was the moderator for every game, having started it back when Simon started playing, as her own way of supporting the easily freaked-out boy on the field. Her second commentator would always switch between a variety of people she intvited to, most of them being Quidditch players themselves from a team that wasn´t playing on that day. So Alec wasn´t really surprised to hear his sister answer, being a beater in the Rawenclaw house. "I have no clue Clary. Maybe ehm ... no sorry everyone i have no clue."

"It´s your brother Izzy! Alec Lightwood is on the field as keeper today, on short notice since the other broke his leg!" Stunned silence followed and then Izzy basicially screamed into the micro: "Oh my god! I never thought that i would life to see the day! Brother! I am so damn proud of you. And hella you look good in this tight uniform. Everyone let´s have a minute of appreciation for Alec in tight trousers and shirt. Jace, you lose our bet by the way. Told you the day was gonna come when something or someone will make Alec Lightwood wear something tight. And something that isn´t black. Means i won twice. I await your money by tomorrow Jace. Aww just look at that great butt go. You go bro!"

Alec felt the need to hide his butt behind his hands as everyone around them started to give it pointed looks, grinning teasingly. Alec felt himself blush.

"Stop making bets on my costs Izzy! And you´re not making sense. I do wear other colours than black, if you haven´t noticed my house colour is yellow." Alec screamed up at his sis, whose shit-eating grin only greaw wider.

"Your yellow uniform doesn´t count Alec. You wear this colour when you have to, not because you want to. Your own choice will always be black and baggy. The day will come when denying the world the sight of a body like yours under wide clothes all the time will be considered a crime. And then dearest brother you will be a man on the run. And talking about bets. If Alec outs himself as gay and gets a boyfriend within three months i win. Jace still says you are bisexual and that it will take you five months at least. Please prove him wrong everyone!"

"IZZY!" Alec screamed in embaressment and panic. How did they know? Alec was supposed to know more than everyone else, yet he always seemed to be the last one to get the news, especially when he noticed that no one seemed surprised.

In Hogwarts nobody cared what your sexuality was and everywhere you found gay as well as straight couples. Being stupid about stuff like that was too much of a Muggle thing to do. And old families like the Lightwoods harboured such feelings too, denying anything that wasn´t the old perfect norm.

"Kidding bro. Everyone know that it´s Alecs decision, so do not prey or you´ll get into trouble with me. Also this better stay in Hogwarts guys. Be nice or you´ll regret it. But know that my bro is single. Love you Alec!" 

Alec gave up on the world when basicially everyone fuckin whisteled. He turned away from the spot he had been standing to scream at his little sister, to find no other than Magnus Bane smile amused at him, with a mischievous glow in his eyes. Alec froze up on the spot, when the Slytherin eyed him up and down shamelessly. Magnus titled his head. "Now this is a really pleasant surprise Alexander."

"Magnus!" was all Alec managed to say and then he noticed the green Slytherin Quidditch uniform Magnus was wearing. He had coloured a few strands in his hair a dark green and also had glittery silver eyeshadow on his eyelids and around. "I - eh. I didn´t know you played on the Slytherinteam. You look green - i mean great! You look great. Love the hair and ehm eyes!" Alec said when he noticed that he had been staring a little bit too long and then immediatly regretted having opened his mouth.

Magnus grin grew even wider and he laid a hand on Alecs chest, which made Alecs heart beat even faster. Alec was so happy for the thick material the uniform was made of, so Magnus wouldn´t feel that. "Well that makes two of us. And i must confess yellow is really starting to be my favourite colour, looking at this here. Especially love what you´ve done with your face. These yellow whiskers look adorable, quite the cat asthetic you got going on here."

And Alec didn´t miss the images Magnus was thinking about of himself in cat ears with a tail. Well fuck. Alec turned red and just gaped uselessly, staring into those cat like yellow eyes of Magnus.

Magnus smiled at that: "Though i must confess, i like blue even better lately."  _Like your eyes. On me especially._

He patted Alecs chest and luckily left before Alec could have a heart attack. Simon came running as soon as Magnus was gone with a huge smug grin but before he could comment this, Alec raised a hand to shut him. "What did you draw on my face this morning?"

"Cat whiskers."

"Figures."

"Did Magnus like them? I heard from Raphael that he´s a real cat-lover." Alec wondered when those two had become so close but didn´t grant that with a responce wondering if fuckin everyone was better informed about his own feelings than he himself catched on?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title inspired by "Get´Cha head in the Game" from Highschool Musical .I might be Highschool Musical trash for the gay hidden plot between the best bro and the bro. I´ll show you how i swing indeed.


	4. All the right moves

Keeper was the position that wasn´t the hardest. But really not to be underestimated.

While the team was fighting around you, the keeper had to stay calm and have an eye for what was happening without getting confused by quick movements.

The keeper was the one to ensure that no points were scored through the goal. Since if the keeper wasn´t successful with this, the pressure on the chasers to seek points and for the seeker to find the snitch would become even higher.

Being a keeper, at least for Alec, meant full concentration. Sadly enough that wasn´t as easy as it was for him in training, thanks to the Slytherins seeker. Who was no one else than Magnus Bane himself.

That this game would be harder than all the others Alec had played before was not only because this was Alecs first offical game, but also thanks to Magnus, who kept throwing flirty winks in his direction, making Alec really red in the progress more than once.

Which led to Izzy asking him why he was supporting the Gryffindors so much on a day where they weren´t even playing, seeing as he was sporting their colours so much. A comment that was met with such a bright smile from Magnus, that Alec almost fell of his broomstick. That seemed to make the crowd even wilder.

What for Merlins sake had Alec done to be punished with so much embarassment today? It wasn´t exactly good for his concentration, hearing his name in the crowd so much, out loud and in their thoughts.

But Alec had to confess that he couldn´t really mind- seeing his teammates so happy about the fact that they were able to play.

Since Magnus was a seeker it was basically his job to ignore everything else and look for that one shiny ball that scored so many points.

Alec had seen multiple games where neither seeker had found the snitch for a long time since it was so well hidden. Alec at this point was feeling pretty useless, not because he wasn´t doing a good job as a keeper, but because he had no job to do for over half the time now, because both teams had been battling at the other goal for forever now. And he really started to pity the other keeper. But some games were just like that.

The snitch had made no apperance yet, but Alec was still surprised when Magnus flew close to him, looking something between smug and bored. He flew right towards him and then stopped in front of him, staring him deep in the eyes.

"Ca-Can in help you Magnus?" Alec asked, voice a little bit higher then he would ever admit, as he looked right back into those cat-like yellow eyes that seemed to be so full of amazement for him.

"Mmh. I was just fulfilling my duty as a seeker Alexander. I found the snitch." Magnus answered, while still staring him deep in the eyes.

"You did?" Alec wondered and looked left and right and even whirled around on his broomstick to look behind him, but couldn´t see a thing. Embarassed, he scratched his neck. "Well it must be your eyes of a seeker then. I can´t see it." he admitted and Magnus seemed to be amused by that.

"It´s my eyesights as a seeker that makes me able to see sparkling beauty where no one else can. To be able to tell something small and special out of the mass. And belive me Alexander, this time i found a really special shining one. Of unique colour and behaviour. And i am a seeker, i continue and continue trying to catch without giving up, til i get what i want. Or til someone else gets it. And i may try to be sneaky about catching it for real, but i am not in persuing. There i go all out. And when i finally got my hands on it - i do not let go anymore." Magnus huffed and while winking moved a finger to his own lip. "Do you understand Alexander?"

"I do." And Alec only did because Magnus thoughts were showing a blue snitch. The same blue as Alecs eyes. Magnus huffed amused. "I really hope you do. My patience is big, but it´s getting lonely when i appear to be the only one longing."

And with this words he moved away from Alec.

Away from the goal and helped Clary to finally solve the struggle in her head whenever she should tell Magnus to move because standing in front of the goal was dangerous or let them talk.

A chaser like Simon had to concentrate on not being hit by the beaters and still catch the ball. And Simon did this with more grace than one might expect from the clumpsy Hufflepuff.

Alec winced more than once when Simon was almost hit by the beaters. But Simon was good at playing a cat and mouse game with the beaters, confusing them so long with weird patterns of flying and then managing to get the quaffle.

Most of the Slytherin beaters had given up on following him and persued other players instead. But not Raphael Santiago.

He almost looked like he was having the time of his life, playing toe on toe with Simon. And that was saying something for Raphael. The man didn´t do fun.

Alec really enjoyed watching the two. It helped him stay concentrated on something else than Magnus during the game, who had started to look for the snitch. And Magnus face full of concentration was yet another face of the man that made Alec want to bury himself.

Preferable after kissing Magnus senseless. Gosh he really needed to get a grip. And no brain - no - not on Magnus tight ass!

Alec snapped back to reality when he heard the crowd getting louder. "Simon and Raphael. Toe to toe. Simon almost got the quaffle. But what is this! Raphael is about to push him off his broom and it looks like he is about to win. If Simon doesn´t back away now - he´ll fall for sur- WHAT!"

Clarys voice sounded as alarmed as Alec felt. "Simon is ... he is standing on his broomstick!? Holy shit are you crazy! We´ll have a serious talk later about being reckless Simon!"

Simon indeed had stood up on his broomstick. They were pretty high and the crowd had stopped cheering and was holding their breath.

And Alec had never felt more frustrated about the fact that he had to stay near the goal and couldn´t go help.

Raphael also looked confused, his face of boredom making place for one of horror. And then Simon jumped forward, throwing himself around the quaffle.

And Alec in this moment decided to fuck the rules and shot forwards in a desperate need to save his friend from the fall.

But Simon did something that nobody had expected. The boy had a confident smirk, which was rare enough for Simon and then he fuckin winked at Raphael while grabbing the front of the boys broomstick, who had moved further forward then Simon had before jumping, the motion too quick and unexpected for Raphael to stop on time.

While Simon was still dangling from Raphaels stick, who had such a surprised face with open mouth and all that - Alec in any other situation would have found it funny to see calm and collected Raphael like this- Simon used the moment of shock to throw the quaffle with one hand to another chaser, who was near the goal and she threw the goal.

Alec couldn´t be sure if that had been Simons intention all along, but he had distracted both teams so much - except for the seekers, who were trained to concentrate on other things than the main happenings- that no one of them had noticed the fight that had been going on between the seekers, which Magnus lost due to the fact that he had starred at Simons crazy movement for too long as well.

The Hufflepuffteam was a little bit more used to Simons crazy play, thanks to their training, even though the boy had never tried it out at an offical game before. Alec was too happy about the fact that they had won to feel sorry for Magnus, but the other catched his gaze after he had given up chasing and he just waved and mouthed a "Good Game". And Alec had to grin. A Good Game it had been indeed.

"Hufflepuff wins!" Clary announced and Alec wanted to smack and hug Simon at the same time. It was all thanks to him that they had won the game so quickly.

Alec quickly moved to where Simon was still hanging and helped him on his broom, since Raphael still wasn´t moving out of his state of staring dumbstruck at Simon. Once they were on the ground safely, Simon released a deep sigh and then smiled, throwing himself in Alecs arms.

"We did it!" he declared happily. And Alec couldn´t help himself, he started full-out laughing as well and picked the smaller boy up to shake him mid-air. "You´re a crazy man Simon! A fuckin crazy man! But also a fuckin crazy genius!"

They continued their happy cheering with the rest of their team until Raphael landed and walked straight towards Simon. Alec felt the need to step forward, in front of his friend but then Raphaels thoughts hit him like a wave.

And there was anger in them, yes. But not the anger Alec had suspected. Raphael stopped right in front of Simon and for a few seconds he just starred the taller boy down. Simon considered himself a dead man in his thoughts, if the fierce look on Raphael was anything to go by.

"Ehm R-Raphael. G-Good Game!" Simon stuttered while holding out a hand to shake and Alec wasn´t even wondering where his confidence from one second ago had gone. Raphael had that effect on everyone. Raphaels hand shot forward and he grabbed Simon by the collar. Before anyone really had time to react, Raphael jerked Simon down and crushed their lips together. Simons eyes went wide and Raphael stopped to look at him.

"R-Raphael? W-W-What?" Simon stuttered, whole face turning red. "Idiota ..." Raphael muttered and then screamed : "You idiot! Dios mios, you could have killed yourself! Don´t do such a reckless thing ever again, do you hear me Simon!"

"Y-Yes?!" Simon muttered, turning even redder with every second. Raphael scowled. "I didn´t hear that Simon! Try again!" Simon swallowed. "Y-Yes! I swear to not do such a reckless thing again Rap-Raphael."

And then for a split second the Raphael Santiago smiled. "Good boy."

"Rapha- mmpf ..." And he crashed their lips together again, more gentle this time. When he was done making Simon melt with a simple touch of his lips he let Simon, who nobody could blame for the shaking leps, sink to the ground.

"You and me tomorrow Lewis. Hogsmeade. Date. And wear something that doesn´t look too sloppy and still is easy to get off. Or i swear to god to tear it." With a satisfied wipe over his lips Raphael turned around to walk towards his Slytherin teammates. And even Magnus mouth hang wide open, clearly not having seen this coming from his best friend.

"Someone punch me. Did that just really happen?" Simon asked from his position on the ground, still clearly red and touching his lip in wonder. "Yes." was all Alec musterd to answer. "Looks like you have a date with Raphael now. Tomorrow."

And Simons next sound was something between laughing and choking. "Well. Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. If i had known i would get a date with Raphael just by hopping off my broomstick, i would have done it way sooner."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title inspired the song "All the right moves" from "The Blah Blah Blahs".


	5. I don´t dance

"Party time!" Jace screamed when he burst into the Hufflepuff common room after it had been opened by Alec, who felt embarrassed to have to clap and sing "If you´re happy and you know it clap your hands" in front of him. Alec had stopped questioning the weird passwords to get to their rooms, but doing it in front of a non-Hufflepuff was still something he´d rather avoid.

Why Jace was even there, following them to their not-so-offical-or-allowed celebration party was something he didn´t question. Not anymore. It was normal for people of houses who hadn´t played that day to go to the winners house party. Izzy and Clary had also showed up and as soon as the non-Hufflepuffs entered, they were showered in golden and black glitter. The two girls looked surprised, while Jace just laughed and tried to get some on Alec as well, who took a step back.

"It´s ehm custom for us Hufflepuffs. On any day that we are celebrating something, every non-Hufflepuff must be showered in glitter in our house colours. It´s supposed to show "sparkling support for all Hufflepuffs" or something ..." Alec explained. Jace snorted. "Who came up with something like that?" he laughed.

"Helga Hufflepuff."

"Oh."

"Well that´s quite a lovely custom i must confess. I really like all the glitter that has been involved in this. Can we also start something like this for Slytherin?" Alec felt an exited shiver run down his spine. That velvet voice. Magnus.

Just as Alec realized that, the Boy stepped through the path way, that for now had been left open for more party-goers to follow. He was wearing a satin gold flannel with a black pattern and his hair tips were now yellow. He also had applied some golden eyeshadow and shining lipgloss and Alec was so struck by how dashing he looked in the Hufflepuff colours that he could´t even bother to wonder how the boy had changed so quickly. Simon however did. "How did he do that? He changed way too fast!"

"I don´t know. Magnus is quite magical." Simon giggled and embarrassed Alec added: "I mean he is good with magic." He shoved Simon who started giggling even more. But his laughter got stuck in his throat when he saw another boy stepping in after Magnus.

Raphael in all his grumpy glory. The boy looked like he had been forced to tag along. But ok, when did he not. "Serves you right." Alec whispered to Simon, who all of a sudden was really interested in the floor.

"Magnus! Raphael! Hi you guys, what are you doing here?" Izzy stepped forward to greet them both. Bless her heart. "Well it may be a little bit of house betrayal to celebrate with you, but fuck the rules. The Hufflepuffs gave us a really awesome game that was thrilling to play and they deserved to win. So yeah me and Rapha are here to party. If we´re welcome?" Magnus explained, looking around the room. The Hufflepuffs took it and some seniors showered them both with glitter. While Magnus seemed to have the time of his life, being showered with glitter, Raphael only took it with a grumpy grunt.

Just as Alec wanted to step away from the door to start the celebration he was stopped by Clary, who was grinning like the cheshire cat. "Aren´t you forgetting part of the custom Alec?" Oh fuck Clary for her knowledge about Hufflepuff customs. Why had Simon ever told her? Simon next to him also paled and asked himself that very question in his mind. At least he was regretting it. "Oh no Clary please don´t ..." Simon whispered but the red-head had already turned around to face the rest of the non-Hufflepuffs by the door.

"Before you all come inside - there is another part of the celebrating-custom that needs to be fulfilled guys! Take it away Simon!" And with that many eyes turned to Simon. Alec made a point of stepping away from him and Simons shocked eyes looked at him.  _Traitor,_ the boy thought and Alec coughed to hide his own nervous behaviour. "Ehm yes. Simon. Take it away.", he muttered and even the other Hufflepuffs were all suddenly very busy with something on the ground.

Nobody, not even fellow-Hufflepuffs wanted to be part of this. The second part of the Hufflepuffs celebrating-custom was rather awkward and really embarrassing. Helga Hufflepuff had either a really cheerful personality or had been really drunk when she had come up with this one.

"Haahh. I can´t belive i´m about to explain this ..." Simon said, a hand nervously going through his hair. _This is worse than any presentation i ever had to hold in front of class. And those were bad._ , he thought and Alec had pity on his friend. "Just swollow it down Simon. You got this." Alec muttered and Simon shut him a look that would look like it could kill him, if it wasn´t for the fact that Simon was the one throwing the killer-look. Simon was too much of a cinnamon-roll to pull it off. "Do you want to do this Alec? If not - shut it!" Alec decided to shut it.

"The second part says that "love in all it´s kinds shall sparkle with all of them ..." Simon told them. _There is so much sparkle and glitter in Hufflepuff. I really like this house. Why am i not in Hufflepuff?_ Alec had to snort unattractively when Magnus thought that.

"What?" Jace asked rather confused. Simon looked like he would die on the spot and against his better judgement, Alec stepped forward to help his friend out. "It means that you need to kiss a Hufflepuff. Whereever. Whoever. It´s to show love and respect and to promise to not betray their good kindness since they are letting you in under their house. And if they kiss you back, you´ve been accepted. Turst and respect of the Hufflepuffs shall then be with you." There was a dead silence after Alec had continued Simons Explanation.

"I love this house!" Magnus then breathed out exitedly starting to jump on the spot and clapping his hands, being the adorable cinnamon-roll he was. "Does this mean i get a Chance to ... let´s say this eloquently hmm ...make Alexander moan in my arms?" Scratch that - Magnus was a sin-amon-roll for sure- Alec noted while blushing. An exited scream was heard from Izzy and Clary just whispered: "Yes please." All Alec could do is sputter nonsense which made Magnus smile even more, giggling to himself. "Don´t worry Alexander dearest. I´m a gentleman. You´re in safe hands." If Alec was supposed to feel calmer after Hearing this, followed by a wink from Magnus, then Magnus was clearly wrong. Alec was just happy that Simon looked way more uncomfortable with this whole situation than Alec would ever allow himself to look like.

Jace, whose red Gryffindor hoodie was now full of glitter he probably wouldn´t get out in weeks, spoke up, having watched the whole situation with amusement til now but was growing impatient to finally get wasted. The boy wasn´t known for his patience anyway. But he definitly was known for his love for butter beer, much to Alecs horror, being the protective brother he was. "As adorable as this is to watch really - let´s get this over with so we can all get wasted. We fuckin deserve to. Come here big bro." With those words he pulled his brother Close and placed a big, wet smooch on Alecs left cheek, making obnoxious sounds, being the little shit he is. Alec just rolled his eyes and clapped Jaces back awkwardly. "You´re welcome!" Jace winked when he was done smooching Alecs cheek. Alec made quick Progress in kissing Jaces forehead. Then the other let out an "Wup Wup! Party time!" and jumped further into the room. Alec couldn´t resist the urge to wipe his cheek clean with his sleeve.

In the meanwhile Simon had gotten a cheek-kiss by Clary, both smiling dorky as Simon also gave her a kiss on the forehead. _Friendship. How disgustingly cute._ Alec heard Raphael think and had to giggle.

The man truly wasn´t all that scary, Alec had found out. But he decided to not tell Simon that fact. The other had to figure this out by himself. And it was too much fun to watch SImon Panic under the others gaze.

Next up was his sister. She smiled at him gently and took his head in her hands, making Alec bow down a little bit more. Alec did so, holding on to Izzys ellbows who was standing on her tiptoes to reach him and her hands swiped away his fringe to free Alecs forehead. She placed a gentle kiss there. And no matter how much he loved his sisters forehead-kisses, seeing as she had done this to calm Alec nerves since they were smaller, Alec couldn´t help but notice the red lipstick Izzy was wearing. She must have noticed his confusement whenever or not the colour of her lipstick had rubbed off on his skin. She quickly said : "Don´t worry brother. You´re still all pretty. I used a colour that is hard to rub off." Alec nooded. He wouldn´t have minded much, but they were still among other people and Alec wasn´t keen on making a fool out of himself by running around with a red lipstick mark. Whenever or not Alec thought that he wouldn´t mind Magnus kiss mark, was something only he himself knew. He kissed Izzys forehead back and before she went into the room she winked at Alec. "Go get him bro." Before he could protest, Izzy was gone.

Which left Magnus, who was beaming at him from his spot by the Barrel pathway. Alec had always questioned the morality of this house. He loved it sure. But beer barrels as the entrace? Warm beer that flows down on you if you don´t sing or/and clap right? And the fact that Alec was sure that soem plants in this room weren´t just common plants but weed. Not even starting with their many other weird customs. Welcome to the Hufflepuffs.

"Is is my turn yet to be embraced by the soft warm wonder that is your lips Alexander?" he all but purred as Alec stepped closer. "E-Ehm ye-yeah?" Alec tried to look everywhere but at Magnus cat-like yellow eyes. Standing so near him made Alec realize how good the other smelled and it did Things to his poor heart. Like cherrys and spring flowers. But also like sweet cocktails and late night air. Like home and sunny days and exitement and late nights at the same time. Alec loved all of it. Especially the late night - Alec loved the smell the air seemed to have in spring and autumn, when it wasn´t too cold or too hot to handle.

Alecs heart quickened up it´s pace when he caught how Magnus thought he smelled like forest, chocolate and parchment paper. Sweet and free how Magnus called it in his mind. _So sweeat i want to eat you. So free i want to make sure you don´t run away too far._ When Magnus thought that, Alecs eyes shot up. There was a smile on Magnus lips, a little unsure but happy. Carefully, like he wanted to give Alec time to back away, he took Alecs hand and laced their fingers in each other. Magnus smiled happily and then brought Alecs hand to his lip, closing his eyes while placing a soft kiss on the backside of Alecs hand and Alecs breath hitched in his throat, as he held his breath. The moment lasted way too short, Magnus letting go of Alecs hand with a soft: "I told you, i am a gentlemen." And Alec wasn´t sure if he was disappointed by that or not. That thought of his surprised him and he decided to be brave. He had to make sure Magnus knew he was interested too, just too shy to act, seeing as that was one thing Magnus was doubting in his mind more and more. _Maybe Alexander is just not interested in me like that?_

"Well maybe you are a Gentleman Magnus. But i am not!" And in a Moment of braveness Alec would later wonder where the hell it had come from, cause he wanted one again please, he leaned forward and kissed his glittery crush right on the corner of his mouth, so near to his lips, that if he had leant a little bit more left he would be touching Magnus lips directly.

And if Alec had thought that the boy had looked beautiful before? Now he was just breathtaking as he looked dazed in wonder and exitement at Alecs action. The boys smiled happy and embarrassed at each other, both a little bit too lost in each others eyes, when a loud scream ruined their moment. Said high-pitched noise had come from Simon who was staring in shock at Raphael in front of him as he bean-red gaped at him. "Yo-You! Why did you kiss me on the lips again!?"

"Hmm? I thought i had to kiss you. So i did." Raphael noted, clearly missing what was Simons point. "Kiss yes. But normally people go for the cheek or forehead if they are not Lovers!" Simon explained, his hands whirling around exitedly. Raphel crooked his head. "But aren´t we? My plan is definitly to make you my lover and kiss you on the lips. So i did." Simon looked like he couldn´t belive the guy. Raphael seemed to understand that he had upset Simon, so he said in a more gently way than Alec had expected: "Listen guapo. I´m sorry. Please don´t be upsed. I clearly like you, that is why i kiss you. And why i asked you out on a date. If that is too much ... then ok... If you don´t want me to then i´ll retreat." Raphael said the last part with pain in his voice.

"That´s not it!" Simon muttered and gently took Raphaels hand. "I look forward to our date. Very much. And i think i like you too. But let´s slow down ok. Let´s have a date first. I wish to take my time with you ..." Simon became redder with every honest word that left his mouth. And then he kissed Raphaels cheek. If Alec and Magnus on one hand and Simon and Raphael on the other, held hands for the rest of the night and talked gently, no one commented on it. But Alec could hear the swears of his sister, promising to squeeze every Information out of him the next day in her thoughts. But Alec couldn´t find it in himself to mind. And if Alec in yet another act of braveness asked Magnus if he wanted to go to Hogsmeade together tomorrow? Nobody needs to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "i don´t Dance" - Highschool Musical aka the gayest song.  
> Thank you all so much for the support and the comments! They surely make my day !


	6. We are young

The next morning Alec cursed himself as he woke up after dreams of yellow eyes and night air-scent. And just as he wanted to roll over to continue dreaming this sweet dream, a smile on his lip, he remembered. Or well it was Simon who remembered. It was too early for Alec to tune out any thoughts.

_I have_ _a date with Raphael today. Oh god what do i wear. He said to wear something that is easy to get off. Why he said that – i don´t want to think deeper about it. Cause god. Ok no. Bad Simon. Get your mind out of the gutter! He said he would rip it if i wear something he thinks of as “too sloopy“ … but he wouldn´t really do that right? Gosh i would be naked in front of everyone if he did … but it´s Raphael! He totally would … shit! Shit! Abord! Abord! I am having a date with hot fuckin pretty, intelligent, talented Raphael Santiago. Captain of the Slytherin Quidditch Team. Who is also really scary and intimidating. And constantly annoyed. Fuuuuck! I must wear something he apporves of. It will decide the way i loose my clothes. Gutter Simon! Who do i ask for help? I can´t ask Alec. For a – i assume gay dude judging by his lack of interest in girls and his crush on Magnus – he really lacks fashion sense. Oh i can call Izzy over! She should help Alec too for his date with Magnus._

Simon thought a lot for this early hour, Alec decided as he rolled over, feeling a little bit sulky for the comment on his fashion sense. But not like he could really say anything as long as it was a fact that Simon kept in his thoughts only.

The date with Magnus. Alec flushed and heard the door to their room click open and then closed, probably Simon going to get Izzy. Great his little sister who already loved to meddle with his love life ( or the non-existense of it, who was he kidding) was gonna know about his date with Magnus as well now. If she didn´t already. Everyone knew stuff before Alec did. Without his now and then mind-reading he really would die dumb. Ech. He probably would prefer that. The headache he got from holding it back was more a curse than a gift. "Freak“ he heard a voice in his head and swallowed. Way to get negative.

 

When Alec saw what Magnus was wearing later that day he was more than glad that Izzy had picked his clothes after all. Else he would feel like a disaster next to the sparkly existence that was Magnus Bane on this morning.

Alec and Simon had been chatting in the yard, waiting for their dates. Well, more like Simon was rambling nervously and Alec being forced to listen. Why exactly he had thought to ask out THE Magnus Bane, he didn´t know anymore. Just looking at the man walking out of those huge entrance doors made Alec unable to think. Which was certainly weird for him, seeing as he was one to have a lot more to do with thinking than other people. He felt the need to run, but since that wasn´t really an option, he just decided to hide behind Simon, much to the other boys amused protest. "Alec? What are you doing? You know this looks ridiculous right? A tall man like you crouching. You know Magnus still can see you? A tree like you should go hide behind another tree. Better fit: Try Magnus.“

"Shut up Simon.“ Alec was not gonna confess that the idea had sounded better in his head.

Just as Alec got up, Magnus spotted him, his face lighting up in delight. And as he jogged over to them, a still pissed looking Raphael tugging behind him, Alec felt his nerves melt away. This amazement Magnus had in his eyes whenever he saw him was breathtaking to Alec. How did a person like Magnus look at someone like Alec with such eyes? Alec couldn´t comprehend. It was a rather sunny day for early November, but none the less cold so Magnus was wearing black docs with a black leather jeans and a tightly fitted grey coat with a purple pattern. He had matched it perfectly (as much as Alec could tell with his non-existent sense for fashion, but Magnus looked always perfect) with a pastel violet woolen soft looking scarf. To put it simply- he looked stunning. And the thought that Magnus had picked these clothes with their date in mind, left Alec even more happy. So as he was thinking that, the first thing Alec managed to say was: “You look beautiful ...“

Magnus stopped in what he was about to say and a slightly embarrassed look took over his features "You look pretty too Alexander ...“ he answered softly while still staring deeply into Alecs eyes. And if this was the result he got, Magnus seemingly undressing him with his eyes, then Alec would take Izzys advise more often. Alec hated to be cold and he got cold more easily than others, which made people declare him insane when he walked around with sweaters in summer. So if it had been his choice, Alec would stand here with gloves and everything. Izzy hadn´t let him though and when he asked why not had mumbled something about “hiding all the goods on the first date is a no-go ...“.

This is how Alec had ended up in a dark-red V-neck, that cut a little too low for his liking (next to the fact that he didn´t remember possessingit, Izzy really had dug in deep into his closet to get it out – much like she had done several times before to get Alec out), his black sneakers and the tightest black jeans Izzy had managed to find (he really had to hide those better). Izzy also had given him a dark-green coat with two rows of buttons that covered til his waist. His christmas present she had declared to be needed now rather that later. At least she had allowed him to wear his woolen black booble hat with strings. Their little brother Max had gotten it for him all the way back in Alecs first Hogwards year, declaring that his brother needed something to keep him warm as long as he himself wasn´t there to warm him. Even now, as Max had joined his sister in Rawenclaw, Alec still felt extra lucky whenever he wore the hat.

“Oh thank god you complimented his clothing. He basicially kept the whole Slytherin house awake in order to perfect his looks. If you hadn´t praised him, he probably would have kept the house awake yet again tonight with nervous babbling and what ifs.“ Raphael commented with a disgusted looking face. „Raphael!“ Magnus shrieked. „You are always pretty though ...“ Alec muttered, still in a daze and Magnus smiled shyly.

„Ugh gross. Can you belive those two Rapha? All this even before one of them managed to get out a greeting. Just kiss already guys. Get a room.“ Simon spoke up taking in the whole scene with a smug grin. Alec made a mental note to dye his friends hair pink while he was sleeping tonight. „Funny that you mention it Lewis.“ Raphael said with something dangerous in his voice, as he took in Simon. Alec would have pity on his friend if he wasn´t such an idiot. "Why don´t we go just do that.“

And with those words Raphael took Simons arm and dragged him away. „Good luck on you trying to tame THE Raphael Santiago.“ laughed Magnus. „Wait what. Rapha!?“ Magnus giggled and Alec joined in. "Looks like we lost a companion huh.“ Magnus joked and then held out a hand that was Alec´s to take. “Well then. Shall we Alexander?“ And who was Alec to not take his hand.

 

 

After the date Alec came home utterly happy. Magnus had held his hand the whole time and had even given him his scarf when he had gotten cold. Gentle hands had wrapped it around his neck, brushing the skin on his neck and when Alec had to gulp because of how embarrassed he was, Magnus had looked up. And Alec had been able to gaze into these pretty eyes from close. Noticing every single detail about them he had muttered before he could think: “Be honest. Your eyes are magical.“ There simply was no other explanation. The gold-yellow seemed to shine different in this light. And Magnus eyes had twinkled before he had muttered back: “Maybe i´ll show you someday.“ And to stop his own eyes from going to Magnus lips, Alec had quickly suggested to keep going. Though he was sure Magnus had noticed where his eyes had gone, judging by the smug grin he had for the rest of their date.

Alec had never been at Madam Puddifoot´s teashop before since there was nothing but couples in love around. The haunt of happy couples indeed. And so tacky and frilly. But Magnus wanted to go in so Alec did it for him, not wanting to disappoint his date. Even pointing out that Alec had some cream on his upper lip when they were drinking hot chocolate.

Or well Alec had been drinking hot chocolate while Magnus had grabbed a coffee, mentioning that he had to note that “this sweetie was one for sweets“. And before Alec had been able to react Magnus had reached forward and wiped the cream away with his finger. The touch lingering on Alecs lip a little too long. And when Magnus had pulled away he had winked at Alec. And Alec had never before been so thankful for the selfcontrol he had learned over his emotions thanks to his parents. Else he would have snapped in that very moment. That still hadn´t stopped him from feeling hot for the rest of their date.

They had stopped by Honeydukes later and since Alec didn´t have to hide the fact anymore that he loved sweets more than most people he didn´t hold back and bought multiple chocolate frogs, some Bertie Bott´s every flavour beans, some honey-flavoured toffees and some Pepper Imps. When Magnus asked if he was planning to host a party with all those, Alec blushed and answered: „Well no. Simon doesn´t like chocolate all that much, but he loves to collect the cards. The toffees are mostly for Izzy and Clary and Max is gonna get the Pepper Imps. He´s crazy for them, since it makes him feel all hot when he breathes fire ...“ Magnus had raised an eyebrow at that, which had caused Alec to giggle. „Oh don´t get me started. He´s at a weird age. Trying to impress others in the weirdest ways.“

„Well aren´t we all.“ Magnus had winked and Alec willed himself to not think too deeply about that. Though he heard what Magnus meant in his thoughts all too well. _Pretent pretent!,_ Alec had warned himself. _Don´t blush and be all uncool. Magnus musn´t know that you are not used to flirting._ „Eh-Ehm yeah?“ _Wow good job! My cat speaks more eloquently. It´s hard to listen to you with a straight face, Alec. Gosh. What is Magnus thinking? Nothing along the lines of “oh my god tear this dude apart“ yet right!? Must. Stop. Fucking. This. Up._ _I_ _pray Magnus shows me his mercy. Oh no, now you´ve been quiet for too long. He can probably see you panicing. Speak up Alec speak up!_

“A-And the beans well … i wanted to trick Jace. I´m gonna share some with him, but take out all the good tasting ones beforehand.“

“But won´t you suffer too? He would notice if you wouldn´t eat any?“ Alec grinned. “Worth it.“ Magnus had giggled at that and told him that he never failed to surprise him. Before they had left the store Magnus had bought a blood-flavoured lollipop and when Alec had asked if he actually liked them (in his try to remember what kind of stuff his date liked for reverence) he had told him that a dear friend of him liked them. On their way out Magnus had also insisted on buying two pumpkins pasties for each of them. And Alec hadn´t had it in him to protest when Magnus looked so proud of himself for “buying his sweet date something, being the Gentleman he is.“ Alec had wanted to protest, since he had been the one to ask Magnus out, but the other had silenced him with a flirty wink.

And when they had returned to the castle a few hours later, Alec found that he had really enjoyed himself. And Magnus had looked so pretty with flushed cheeks from the cold and this blinding happy expression, he had carried for the whole day, that Alec hadn´t been able to help himself. He had leaned forward, his lips carefully kissing Magnus cheek. And the expression he had seen on Magnus face was what he felt. Happy but confused. But then the panic from his own actions had settled in. Alec had mumbled: “Ehm. Gotta go. See you Mags!“ And then he was running. Literally. Leaving a too-stunned-to-react Magnus behind. And that was how he had ended up here, only stopping running in his room. He had thrown himself on his bed, glad that nobody else was around yet, cheeks hot, head swirling and heart beating rapidly. He only then noticed that he was still wearing Magnus scarf. And he couldn´t help the happy giggling escaping his lips.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "we are Young" by 3Oh3. Which i blame on the beautiful The Marauders-we are Young fanvideo that makes me lose it everytime. I am not crying. You are. (T-T)  
> Dropping hints for the Story and references to fandoms left and right!  
> If there are any suggestions or wishes (for Songs or i dunno a pillow fight Scene... Magic and pillows now this sounds fun) lemme know ;3  
> hope this malec date is enjoyable and have a nice day everyone ^^


	7. Let´s dance to joy division

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Saphael side of the Hogsmeade date :3  
> happens after Simon gets dragged away by Raphael  
> it´s Simon POV  
> enjoy !

Simon POV

 

Simon didn´t really know where this was going. Or where they were going. But that happened a lot when he was with Raphael. He didn´t even know where his mind was going. Ok, maybe he did, he couldn´t help himself but take in the sight that was offered to him. Raphaels butt wiggling as he was walking in a hurried manner, dragging Simon along. Was Raphael aware that he walked like a super model with all this pretty hip swinging he did even he basicially ran? Magnus did it too but with him one knew that he knew exactly what he was doing. But graceful, scary, pretty Raphael seemed unaware of it. It seemed to just belong to the grace he had going on.  _Gutter! Mind! Simon! You are wearing tight jeans today! Back! Back! But seriously. It was a crime of how much of that fine butt was hidden under their usual robes._

Just as Simons mind was going back to the gutter, Raphael stopped suddenly, making Simon run into him. Then he let go of Simon and looked at him with a look that Simon couldn´t quite read. It was dark, but different thatn usual and was Simon imagining things or was Raphaels face red? Well they had run all the way here after all. That must be it. Why else would Raphael be red in the face. Of course there was blushing, but Simon wasn´t naive enough to believe he had that kind of effect on the boy. 

Raphael had led them to a distant corner of the castle and pushed him into one of the rather small spaces in the wall. Simon had always wondered what these small spaces in the walls that could be found all around the castle were for, but when Raphael stepped in after him Simon remembered someone calling them "Make-out-Corners". And he started to understand why cause Raphael was suddenly way too close. "S-Something wrong?" was all that Simon managed to get out and his voice was way too high-pitched all of a sudden.

Raphael stared at him with a perfect eyebrow raised (he had to draw them on come on they were way too perfect) for a second longer, before he blurted out, rather out of character for him: "Who allowed you to dress like that?"

"Like what?" Raphael seemed even more frustrated with each passing minute. "Like ... that ... so handsome?" If Simon hadn´t been so surprised by that, he would have laughed. "But you told me to dress handsome! Or else you would rip them off?" Raphaels face got even redder and Simon slowly started to understand what was going on here. "Are you flustered? By me dressing up?" Simon couldn´t stop the smirk that took over his features when he asked him that, seeing Raphael cheeks getting even redder. Raphael didn´t answer him, his scowl just getting worse, like he was trying to look as frustrated as possible to hide the colour in his face. And Simon found it adorable. Before the other boy could comprehend what was going on, Simon had caught his face between his hands and pulled him down to place his lips against his.

It was innocent and sweet and nothing compared to what Raphael had done to him before. But when Simon leant back an inch to take in the blushing, wide-eyed mess Raphael had become with this simple touch, he couldn´t help but feel satisfied with himself. Who would have thought he would have that kind of effect on Raphael. He couldn´t help but giggle, gently pushing Raphaels hair back, that had fallen on his forehead by this sudden movement.

"Look at you Rapha. What a hot mess. Even though you did worse to me before." Raphael looked something between annoyed and embarrassed as he lifted his gaze to look at Simon. "Well before it was me ... and i wasn´t sure if you liked it ... this was the first time you kissed me ..." Raphael muttered. "Wow. Who are you and what did you do to the boy who seemed so annoyed by my pure existence?" Simons mouth of course as always spoke before his brain could catch up. "Also - i think i like you even more now. And i already have liked you for way too long and way too much that is healthy and your sudden interest in me and the makeouts aren´t really helping, you know. So would you please be my boyfriend?" 

Simon realized in horror, judging by the look on Raphaels face, that he indeed had said that out loud. Simon himself was a clumsy mess in everthing he did so why had he thought that he would be any different when he asked his crush of two years out? To his surprise Raphael let out an amused huff. Or at least something close to it. Was hard to tell when his expression always seemed at least a little bit annoyed. He opened his beautiful mouth, only to close it again, touching his lips and looking irritated. Where there had been excitement in the air before and an amused light in Raphaels eyes, the atmosphere seemed to have shifted to tense all together with the look in Raphaels eyes.

"Raphael ...? You ok? I-i know this is sudden a-and don-don´t fell like you have to asnwer me right now. I mean, i know i am aiming too high - how should someone like you have interest in someone like me - b-bt i would be honoured if you could at least consider it. Fuck! I already fucked up didn´t i? By Merlins beard, i shouldn´t have said that on our first date!" 

If anyone hadn´t noticed by now - Simon Lewis was a boy that didn´t think before he spoke. "No-filter-Simon" was for a reason a nickname he had gotten quite quickly. If Alec was the grumpy hufflepuff then Simon was the rambling hufflepuff. Yay. Oh joy. Simon couldn´t begin to understand what Raphael was thinking, as the boy only seemed to look more tense with each word and for some reason, more in pain as well. "Simon..." Raphael said and even though it was only a whisper, Simon shut up right away. Raphael took his hand away from his lip and took some steady breaths to calm himself down. His lip was bleeding and there also was some on the hand he had held to it and Simon couldn´t help but notice the faint smell of copper. Before he could question it Raphael spoke up again.

"Never dare to talk about yourself like that. I thought i had been more than clear about my intentions but if oyu still have doubts then it looks like i must tell you now. I like you Simon. Have for quite a while now. I can´t deny that you first quirked my interest in a rather annoying way - i mean you are a generally loud and bouncy Hufflepuff who appears to never stop talking. But i noticed that there is more to you and that is when i noticed that i am starting to fall for you. There always seems to be a reason why you do things. You don´t mind being the only one talking even if the situation is tense and you are getting murder glances to shut up. You don´t mnd. You just keep talking, making jokes til somebody has to laugh and you managed to lighted everything up. You really are like a ray of sunshine Simon. And where my kind would normally like to avoid the sun on most days, i feel drawn towards you. You also don´t hesitate to take the blame for your friends or stand up for them and i feel in love with how you put your friends above everything else. Even above yourself and i can´t help but have a hate-love for that fact. Since i want the person i like to take better care of themself. So i want to be the person who makes sure you do. I want you to be selfish with me. Cause sometimes i really think you are too good for your own good and it makes me want to slap and kiss you at the same time." 

Simon was stunned and bean-red by the end of Raphaels confession. "Li-Like y-you´re one to talk! You always act like you are annoyed with the world. But i´ve seen you help some younger kids with the fuckin kindest smile. Almost made me have a heartattack. And the dying wish to have you smile like that towards me ..." he muttered, for some reason feeling like he had to defend himself. But Raphael wasn´t done. "And if anyone is aiming too high it´s me really Simon. I mean have you looked at yourself? You´re a mixture of hot and cute in the weirdest nerdy way that makes me unable to control myself, as you could witness before. I mean the action with the quidditch game? I had sworn to myself to never act on my feelings since i don´t stand a chance anyway. But me kissing you like there is no tomorrow on the field? In front of so many people? Totally your own fault Lewis. You just looked too hot with that cheeky and confidant behaviour."

Was it weird that Simon thought of it as cute, as Raphael was standing there with red face, crossed arms and blaiming him like a little child? He was stnned silent. Which seemed to be not so rare whenever he was around Raphael. "Are you really that unaware of how many people have a crush on you? You´re nice, good-looking and clever ... And you seem to be the kind of person who would treat their significant other really kindly. And even in think it´s unrealistic how i want to be that significant other. I am anything but kind. No matter what you say Simon. But argh ..." Simon couldn´t help but take Raphaels hand in his, smiling brightly. "What i want to say. Simon Lewis, i like yuo a lot. And if you can agree to date a person who bites their lip until it´s bleeding since they are getting so worked up over you then - then ..." Raphael took a deep breath and found Simons eyes meanwhile. "Then i would love to be your significant other." 

Their kiss, that was started by Simon crashing forwards as soon as his boyfriend was done talking, tasted like copper but neither of them could care.

 

 

 

 

The next morning Simon woke up with pink hair.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title inspired "let´s dance to joy division" by "the wombats"  
> their quirky music is perfect for Simon in my opinion. can´t help it.


	8. I need to get my story straight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A dozen of thanx again to my lovely beta jul :3  
> i would have died of frustration and insecurity so often by now if it wouldn´t be for ya to keep me going with this story!  
> Also thanks to all of you who left comments they also make my day and help me motivate myself to keep writing. :3  
> i got the loveliest headcanon idea for this story by user "StarsetDemon" which i will make sure to use for this story later!  
> thanx again so much! 
> 
> chapter title inspired by "we are young" from fun.  
> I thought it was ironic and perfect with "straight" hahahaha.oKay. Yeah  
> I have finals coming up so wish me all magical warlock magic to get that shit done. I will need it. 
> 
> Now i will stop rambling! Enjoy! Have a nice day!

The next morning Alec still was gazing out a lot, his thoughts drifting towards Magnus. Which didn´t mean that he wasn´t feeling utter panic as he stumbled down the stairs to get to his class. He had overslept and woken up only ten minutes before his first lesson started. Which was a miracle in itself, Alec didn´t do stuff like oversleeping and being late to class.

Even his Charmes professor looked surprised when he stumbled in ten minutes after class had started and had dismissed his apology with a simple flick of her hand. _Alexander Lightwood is late. Never thought i´d live to see the day. This means i won the bet. I told the other professors that he was human and therefore show slack at least once in his years here._  Alec was too confused in general, his morning routine of slowly waking up with a nice coffee completly destroyed, to even feel wonder for the fact that some professors had made bets on him.

He slided into his seat next to Simon and ellbowed the boy hard. At least he had stayed true to his words and dyed Simons hair pink while he was asleep. "Ouch! What was that for!" Simon whined and Alec gave him the most threatening stare he could muster in his current too-tired-to-function-state. "Why didn´t you wake me when you noticed i wasn´t up yet?" he whispered. Simons eyes went wide and for some reason he blushed. "G-Gosh. I´m s-sorry. I got picked up for breakfast this morning and y-yeah ... got distracted ..."

"That´s what distracted you? Not the pink hair?" Simon took some of his pink locks in his hand and swirled it between his fingers. "Oh this? I woke up like that. I kinda like it but i think it´ll go away. And my companion this morning liked it too." Alec rolled his eyes. Of freaking course he liked it. "It was you! You dyed it!" Simon then realized at his reaction but Alec shooshed him with a glare. "Your company distracted you this much? That can only be one person. Soooo you and Santiago huh..." Alec grinned, not able to keep being mad at his friend when he looked that confused by his own actions. "Shuushh! Are you crazy! Not so loud! They are sitting right over there..."

"What are you talking about? We share charms with the Gryffindo-" Alecs words got stuck in his throat when he looked over and saw Magnus and Raphael sitting there. Raphael huffed and Magnus waved and winked, clearly having heard their conversation.

Today Magnus´ hair had light blue colour in it and Alec´s face got red, thinking about why Magnus had declared blue his favourite new colour. Why was Magnus here? Alec wasn´t ready to face him yet without making a stuttering red-faced mess out of himself because of his own actions yesterday. He thought he had time until fifth period, the first class they would share under normal circumstances today. Alarmed he looked at Simon, who clearly didn´t understand just how alarmed he was and just answered: "There were some switches regarding our timetable for this week because another Professor is absent. Didn´t you read the note they sent us regarding that?"

Of course Alec hadn´t. He had been too busy to daydream about Magnus for the rest of yesterday to even notice such a thing. "But anyways dude you look like a mess. Did you even try to calm down your hair this morning?" Alec just grunted, deciding not to grant Simon an answer to such a question. But then Simon started grinning and Alec knew that look. It was the look Simon got whenever he knew something Alec did not. Which happened way too often- considering Alecs powers.

"Sooo. Whose scarf is this? Doesn´t look like your usual colour?" _Which really is just black. Even all your underwear. All your underwear Alec!_ Alec was happy Simon kept that underwear comment in his thoughts. How did he even know that. He was blushing enought as it was. _There is no way right!?!_  his own thoughts paniced. But then he looked own and indeed. He was wearing Magnus scarf. The one he had given him when he was cold at the date. Actually this was no wonder, considering that Alec had basicially slept on the damn thing. Which sounded more creepy than Alec willed to admit. Not like it was his fault that Magnus smelled so good!

In his rush earlier he must have grabbed it without really thinking about it. He looked over at Magnus and said boy seemed to be in deep thought as he looked at Alecs figure. And Alec would deny to everyone (though nobody would ask such a thing) that he just had to tune in. He couldn´t stop himself from wanting to know what Magnus was thinking while looking like that at him. _How is Alexander doing this? Yellow and violet? Normally i would despise these colours combined. But on him it looks good. Just how. I know i am far gone for the boy but holy! I would love to see him in nothing BUT this scarf._  Alec couldn´t surpress the choke at that sentence. Which got Magnus to notice that he was also staring at him. He winked again and Alec had to gulp. For whatever reason he nooded back. Magnus winked at him and Alec nooded. Wow. He had never said his flirting game was good. He didn´t want to know what others thought of him just nooding randomly in class.

_Gosh just look at him. Can´t belive that handsome, shy boy gave me a kiss. My cheek is still tingling where his lips touched. Though Rapha teased me for acting like elemantary school crushes. Just cause he made out with Simon and is now his boyfriend. That stupid bat._ Alec wondered where that nickname had come from. And he noted to tease Simon about his boyfried later. Why hadn´t Simon told him yet. Alec might pretent later to sulk to get Simon to buy him sweets. _Though i don´t mind. I am happy for them. But i don´t mind taking it slow with Alec. I don´t want to scare him off. Though being allowed to call him my boyfriend would be great. Stupid Steve and his forwardness. I must make sure to always get his name wrong so Simon know how unhappy i am with him. I mean Steve not Simon of course. Asking Raphael to be his boyfriend on their first date. I am not jealous. At least Alec is wearing my scarf. I gotta make sure to make him keep that. And get something from him as well._  Alec had to smile. Hearing Magnus think like this really made him calm, collected and happy. Which was a thing he didn´t feel often, no matter his outer apperance. He rolled his eyes, which got Magnus´s attention and then winked at Magnus, gesturing forward to the teacher, in an attempt to tell Magns to pay attention. Not like he blamed him or minded, but they should at least try to pay attention.

What Alec didn´t expect was Magnus to turn red at Alec winking at him. He himself did it all the time. Magnus nodded with a red face and open-mouthed. And for the rest of the lesson Magnus eyes were glued to the front. But Alec knew that was him being coy. Feeling shy. And he hadn´t expected it from Magnus, but he loved it. Loved the fact that he was the reason Magnus was feeling shy. Magnus himself seemed to scowl himself in his head for acting like that, next to multiple repeats of Alec´s full name.

He only looked at Alec again when class was dismissed, with a still flushed face. And as Alec walked towards his desk, he decided that he liked making Magnus blush. It gave him confidence to flirty with the pretty boy further. "Go-Gotta say i love your scarf!" Magnus actually stuttered, making Raphael next to him look amused and mouthing a "Good job" at Alec. "Hmm." Alec hummed. "Got it from a very pretty and funny person. Was just wondering if that person would like to grab a bite for lunch with me ..." And Magnus beamed.

From then on they met almost everyday for lunch breaks, study sessions and just talks. Sometimes Alec would be the one asking Magnus out and sometimes it would be Magnus asking him. Izzy, Jace and Raphael and Simon all teased them for their small dates but they didn´t care. They didn´t like to put a label on what they had. Yet. Alec decided that him being confident worked wonders in making Magnus blush. And he couldn´t wait to see more


	9. Run boy run

Everything had been going smoothly for Alec lately. He was able to tease Simon for being all adorable with Raphael. He started to get great grades even in charms- the one subject he sucked in, no matter how much he studied for it - thanks to Magnus. He was a natural talent for charms which Alec liked to blame on the fact that he was a natural charmer in general. His dates and meet-up´s with Magnus were going well and he liked the boy more and more with each day. It was an unspoken fact that they both were happy with taking things slow between them. They both could tell that what they had was very special but neither of them wanted to put a name to it yet. Alec liked those tiny moments, to have this boy all for himself. Even when Jace had tried to give him the "big brother talk" and Max had interviewed him for over two hours, Magnus hadn´t backed down. Izzy and Magnus had hit it off right away, both in love with shopping, make-up and muggle soap-operas. Which led to Alec watching more of those with both of them than he liked. He would never admit that he secretly loved them.

But those weeks were over too fast and before Alec could really register it the weeks before Christmas were over. And Christmas holidays meant that he had to go back to the Lightwood mansion to attent family meetings and all such stuff. And those were never fun. He knew what his parents thought of him, but hearing it day in and day out didn´t help much. He was sick of it. The disappointment that sank even deeper into Alecs bones with every look they gave him. But Alec knew he had to hide. For now he was powerless towards all that his parents were scheming. Magnust must have sensed that something was wrong with Alec, cause when they parted ways for the holidays, he hugged him even tighter. Alec had never told Magnus about his parents. It was the kind of poison that Alec didn´t want to bring between them. Not yet anyway, when they were trusting, but still so new towards each other. But Magnus must have heard the rumours. Must have seen the interviews with his parents, both Robers and Maryse Lightwood were well-known names in the magical world, not only for being an old pure-blood family, but also for their radical politic options. And Alec had never asked, but knew anyway that they had been supporters of Voldemort back in the day. They had been young and hadn´t known better, at least that was what Alec told himself for so long. When he should have known better.

 

The Christmas party they had to attent for their parents was the most boring thing ever, which was probably why Alec had hid in a corner behind a curtain at the first given chance. The bright lights of the ball room and the echoing of the fake laughter in the giant room was just too much for him. He had done what was expected form him as the oldest Lightwood sibling but then had sneaked away at the first given chance. Making connections and keeping up the apperance - Alec knew that this was the reason why his parents hosted those parties year and year again. Getting voters for themselves. And he hated it. And Alec had thought he could see through every single one of those scumbags. If he as much as wanted to, thanks to his ability. But there was one man whose thoughts Alec couldn´t read. And he knew why.

Alec had met Valentine Morgenstern for the first time at his parents Christmas party while he attented his first year in Hogwarts. He was a Legilimens in the hiding. Alec had known due to the fact that he heard multiple voices in the older mans head, much like he himself which was werid considering the fact that he, like the LIghtwoods, took a stand in politics against such freaks. When Valentine himself was one of them. And where his parents got criticism for such things, Morgenstern said the same things. But so much more charming. He gets peoples attention and love, like he knows exactly what each of them wanted to hear. And he, for a fact did. And uses it for his favour. The only thing that kept Alec safe under Valentines knowing eyes was the fact that he knew how to hide his powers since a young age. Had learned to tune the voices in his head. And to control his own thoughts, so that Valentine wouldn´t know that he was hiding something. Valentine wasn´t used to hide his powers, even if the man knew something he shouldn´t, he would just blame it on his charismatic insight of guessing facts. Alec couldn´t help but feel stressed and avoid the man.

The risk of being found out by a man like him was too much. The evening just decided to get even better when Valentine decided to make a speech. Now he couldn´t hide from these toxic words anymore. Oh joy. "To keep our blood alive, we must make sure that whoever being that possesses unnatural powers for their kind but hide under the title of "witch" or "wizard", goes before the law to get justice done. We musn´t let our blood get tainted! My fellow witches and wizards, Tom Riddles attempt might have been wrong, but his ideas were those of a wise man!" Alec couldn´t believe what he was hearing. Couldn´t believe that the crowd clapped for this man. "We must continue to gain political power. Take a stand with me. And then we can get all those freaks in front of the law. But unlike Tom Riddle, we don´t murder. We musn´t do something as unpoor as that, when we are the poor ones. We will have the law punish them!" Alec couldn´t believe the toxic vomit that left Valentines mouth. That everyone seemed to eat it up willingly. Couldn´t believe his parents, who believed in that man. It made him want to puke. And regret that he had stayed in this room with toxic everywhere. Max had long gone to sleep, using his young age as an excue, even though there was no bigger night-owl thatn him. Izzy had faked being ill and Jace had sneaked away. To join her probably. Alec decided to join them as   
well. Leaving this toxic behind. For now.

 

After the party, Alec really didn´t want to stay at this house anymore. Valentine was around way too much, not in his actual presence, but in the poison he left everywhere. In the papers, in his parents thoughts and in their talk at the dining table. It made Alec feel sick. Sicker than he ever had felt. One would think that people learnt from one war, one mistake, one stupid pure-blood and many deaths. But apparantly almost twenty years were too long. And people forgot again. Of course there were people who saw how dangerous Valentine was. But weirdly enough those always were invited to his house after speaking up against him, Valentine claming it as an act to get to know criticism better. But when they came back, they were like different people.

  
"Doesn´t it seem suspicious to you?" Alec didn´t really know how the topic had started between his siblings. They had been chilling in Alecs room, when Max of all people had been the one to bring it up. Sometimes Alec forgot that he wasn´t his little baby brother anymore. Always would forget it probably. "People with influence speak up against Morgenstern, then get invited to his mansion and come back as total supporters of him." Jace stopped reading his magazine (something stupid with the title "how to witch them in love") at Max´s words, which was concerning, since he wasn´t interested in politics at all. If even he noticed that something was up then it must be pretty obvious. "You think he is doing mind-tricks on them? Or scares them?" Jace asked, throwing the magazine behind him on the bed. "I actually think mind-tricks. They don´t seem to be scared of him ... more like completely new people." Izzy piped up. Alec huffed and ruffled his hair. "I think Izzy is right. I don´t trust this man. I mean mother and father acted badly before ... but now? Crazy bad." "Bad-shit crazy." Jace threw him and Alec threw him a look that he hoped said "Not helping Jace". "Ok how about this! I don´t want to see this happen to any of us. The mind is too easily twisted. So let´s make sure to never be with the man for longer. And in no way alone!" Alec couldn´t agree with Jace more. And seeing Izzy´s and Max´s faces he figured they thought the same.

After a moment of heavy silence Izzy clapped her hands. "Let´s talk about something happy! Alec! My brother dear! You seem happy lately!" "Yeah? Do i?" Alec didn´t know where his sister was going with this all. Smalltalk? "Yeah! And i wondered if the reason started with M!" A teasing smile spread across Izzys face and if it hadn´t been for the fact that they were already in his room, he would have fled. He wondered if he could just throw his siblings out. But that would be too obvious. He had to play it cool! Play it cool Alec! "Yeah! So happy to have macarons back! The best season to live. Wooh! Winter!" Max giggled at Alecs declaration of love for macarons. "I wasn´t exactly talking about macarons..." Izzy sulked. "Sooooo .... you and Magnus huh?" Jace asked with a goofy grin. Alec just gulped. *Shhhhiiiitt* "Uhh! I like Magnus! Is he your boyfriend now?" Max asked. "I-It´s n-not like th-that..." Alec muttered. "But you would like it to be? For Magnus to be your boyfriend? You would like that?" Izzy asked as casual as if she had just found a dragon. Which meant not casual. At all. "Why are you guys so invested in my love life! Even you Max!" "Well if we don´t help you, you are not gonna make a move. Poor Magnus! He is already head over heels for you!" Alec looked up. "You think so?" "Do you even have eves? Have you seen how he looks at you?" Alec hummed. "Maybe you guys are right ... maybe i should make a move soon..." As cheers filled the room Alec couldn´t help but roll his eyes. "Did you hear that! Alec Lightwood! Not denying that he actually is capable of emotions! Magnus has a good effect on him!" Alec just rolled his eyes at his stupid siblings, a small smile on his lips.

 

Christmas at the Lightswoods took forever. Alec loved to be more with his siblings but he also coulnd´t wait to go back to Hogwarts. Back to Magnus. The boy had stayed at Hogwarts, as he did for almost all holidays since he had nowhere else to go. Magnus didn´t make a big deal out of it, explaining that he had learned how to deal with it and that his parents had never been the nicest people anyways. But Alec had still felt bad for making such a big thing out of having to go to his parents, when Magnus had none to go back to at all. And like he could tell what he was thinking - Magnus had told him that he understood. That he rather had no parents, than the toxic ones Alec had to deal with. And that he still had a family. His friends were his family. Alec had still felt bad for leaving him, but Magnus had told him it was fine. Still. He wanted to see Magnus. Wanted to be with him. Alone ... would be nice. When he told his siblings they joked. "Go get him tiger!" Izzy had declared. "Don´t do anything i wouldn´t do." "Jace, that doesn´t keep out much." "Exactly" His parents hadn´t minded much. He told them that he could concentrate better on his studies in the castle. And since he had done his duty at the party, he was free to go. Free to surprise Magnus. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Magnus is gonna be back in the next chapter - Alec made a decision! 
> 
> Thanx to everyone who left a comment ! And kudos and all that of course! Always lovely to see the story get love, me is crying of happiness thanx to you all >//<)
> 
> also to all who wondered if the story would get a lil more "Drama" well here are some hints in this chapter i guess :D But no worries the boys got this!   
> Have a lovely day as always!
> 
> ch title inspired by "Run boy run" from "Woodkid"


	10. Thoughts of you consume

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my finals are finally over!  
> This is to celebrate the new part of the Shadowhunters TV series coming out-finally !! I am so exited to watch!!!  
> Thank you all for the lovely comments and headcanons and stuff.  
> This would only be half as fun without you guys leaving so cute messages behind i truly always enjoy them!  
> I was so hyped for this chapter since i deem it to be pretty important- so have fun :3
> 
> chapter title from "war of hearts" by ruelle AKA i still get all hyped when this song plays or when i watch that scene. KYAH ! (>////<)9

The whole ride to Hogwarts Alec couldn´t help but feel a mixture of exited and nervous. And that wasn´t all due to the fact that the Knight Bus wasn´t the most comfortable way to travel.  _Magnus better appreciate this hell ride i´m putting myself through for him._ Alec thought to himself, smiling. He was looking forward to see Magnus happy when he surprised him by returning before new year. "Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggi-Hoggi-Hogwarts, teach us something please." The shrunken head near the driver started singing and ripped Alec out of his thoughts. "Yo! The human tree over there! Your stop is up next!" it shouted from up front. Alec got up and grabbed his backpack, getting out while stumbling a bit when the bus drove away really fast as soon as Alecs feet touched the ground. 

The castle was covered in snow that glittered in the setting sun. Alec could see it as often as he wanted, the beauty of Hogwarts never stopped to amaze him. And Alecs home was with Izzy, Jace and Max and had started to be with Magnus too if he was completly honest, but Hogwarts had become his home in ways with how many beloved memories of those beloved people of his he had made inside those walls. He had learned to be himself and be proud of it inside those walls, even if he still had ways to go, he was getting there. He had learned how to fly and play Quidditch here and learned to love it. Not starting with all the magic he had learned here. Coming to Hogwarts always felt like coming home and even though he hadn´t been gone for long, he felt all the tension leave his body.  _I´m back home,_ he thought as he stepped through the huge doors inside the castle.

Seeing the castle so empty where it normally was so crowded and full of chatter on most days felt weird. He went to see his houseleader to announce he was back and then went straight to the dungeons. Straight to the Slytherin dorm. Straight to Magnus. 

Luckily enough he didn´t need a password. Since there weren´t many people in Hogwarts during the holidays anyways, the doors were all left open. Alecs steps echoed on on the dark tiles as he walked down the long hallway. The door to the common room already was only a few steps away when it opened and a head peaked out. Alec´s face lit up when he saw that it was no other than his Magnus.

"Magnus!" he screamed and couldn´t stop himself from beaming. Magnus looked up and blinked confused, his mouth starting to hang open. "Alexander? ... You´re here? Wait, am i still dreaming?" Magnus rubbed his eyes and when Alec still was there when he opened them, he apparently decided that Alec indeed was real and started running towards him. Alec giggled and opened his arms and Magnus jumped into them. They both laughed uncontrollably when Alec whirled Magnus around in circles. He set Magnus down again but his hands didn´t leave their place wrapped around Magnus waist. And Magnus left his hands wrapped around his neck as well. They gazed into each others eyes, their bodies pressed tight against each other, but Alec found that he couldn´t even bother to be embarrassed about it. Not when it felt so good and easy to fall back into Magnus arms. He had missed how complete and happy he felt with him. And when he realized that, he had to do something about it. He had made a decision after all. So he did something about it. Before Magnus could speak up again and before Alec lost his newfound bravery again Alec leant forward. 

He brushed his lips against Magnus´ while closing his eyes. He felt sparks running through his whole body. But Alec was still a coward in his heart and wanted to make sure Magnus was fine with this. So he backed away, their noses still touching and looked at Magnus, whose eyes were wide with wonder. Magnus touched his own lips first and then Alec´s, like he couldn´t believe what just had happened. Alec found that to be adorable and let out a little giggle, also to hide his own embarrassment and panicing a bit. "Magn-mmpf!" Before Alec could say something Magnus crashed their lips together. Where Alecs kiss had been soft and careful, Magnus´was hard and needy. Like he wouldn´t be able to breathe anymore if he didn´t kiss the shit out of Alec right now. Which probably was the case .  _Alexander. My Alexander._ was all that Magnus thought in repeat. And Alec couldn´t help but feel shudders of happiness when Magnus claimed him "his".

And the urge to show him how much he wanted this became almost unbearable. Alec was used to be in full control of his emotions or at least he knew how to surpress them. But all this - it was new. His feelings for Magnus were something he couldn´t control or hide. And he decided that he wouldn´t want to anyway. "My Magnus..." Alec muttered in between their heated crashing of lips, as if to answer what Magnus was thinking. And if he thought that he himself was unusually out of control, then only because he hadn´t known how much Magnus had held back. Something inside Magnus must have snapped, his last restrain probably, with Alecs words. 

He pushed Alec hard against the nearest wall and Alec let out a surprised sound but then Magnus went back to kissing him and only a second later Alec found that he was glad for the extra support of the wall behind him, cause he already felt his legs giving up. "Alexander." Magnus started with a husky voice and it took Alec a while to come back from this high that was Magnus kissing him senseless. Then he looked Magnus in the eyes and he felt himself slipping again to what he saw there, but tried hard to stay in his right mind. Magnus eyes were open and clouded with want. "Alexander. Before we continue and i start being unable to speak cause my lips can´t leave yours or will want to for that matter - let me ask you this. Would you allow me the happiness of being your boyfriend? Cause i like you - a lot and i´ve been wanting to do this for months! You´re smart and honest and pretty. You fight for your friends and family so much. And your smiles might be rare - though i pride myself for being told by Izzy that you smile more around me - but when you smile it is so pretty. And so genuine. Everything about you is so real and raw. So - Alexander ... what is your responce?" Magnus flashed him an unsure and kind of of afraid looking smile. Why was he unsure!

"I like you too Magnus. Have, for quite a while now. Hell, I´ve been crushing on this pretty Slytherin boy with the kind smile and wicked mind since last year. And i´m not saying i completly understand what someone who is this funny, pretty, smart and loyal sees in me. But i trust you. And i don´t want to keep myself away from this happiness i feel when i´m with you. You teached me how to love myself more. With you i feel more at ease and more exited than I ever have before - but in a good way! You complete me in ways i never thought i lacked in but realize only through you that i did..." Alec took a deep breath and continued his confession. "So what i want to say is ... Yes! I want to be your boyfriend! If you grand me the honour -" Alec couldn´t complete his last sentence cause Magnus mouth was on his again.

Magnus teeth nibbled at his lip and his tongue swept over it, asking for entrance and Alec was more than happy to do so. Alec couldn´t help but hold on tight to Magnus´shirt which made Magnus grin. Magnus tongue entered Alecs mouth and first slid over his teeth. Alecs tongue had shyly retreated to the very back but Magnus hadn´t complained. This was all so very new to Alec that he couldn´t help but freeze. Magnus however had apparently decided to take his sweet time with him anyways. He kept nibbling, his tongue teasing from the sides to his teeth but still left it to be Alecs decision to join him. Magnus was so very careful and sweet with him. But also so very slow. The heat in Alecs body just kept rising and he knew he had to do something about it. And then he realized what it was. Alecs tongue met Magnus and they danced around each other in heated passion and Alec didn´t even know why he had been afraid anymore. When this, kissing Magnus deep, felt like such pure perfection. Alecs hands swept down Magnus back and the boy shuddered at that. Now Alec was the one who had to grin.  _Got cha!_ he thought to himself. But then Magnus tucked at his hair and Alec moaned. Both boys, wide-eyed and flushed, brought their make-out session to a quick halt and for a second Magns eyes clouded over with pure lust. Alec just felt embarrassed for his moan. Then Magnus started giggling, a gentle hand resting on Alecs burning cheeks. "God look at you. You look like such a hot mess just from kissing ..." Magnus muttered and Alec  whined at that but his lover quickly comforted him. "Hey , that is in no way something bad. I love it. Makes me wonder even more what would happen to you if i did more ... My point is - we better stop here for now. Otherwise i won´t be able to keep my hands off you." Magnus winked and now it was Alec who giggled.

"I never said you had to ... keep your hands off me." Alec returned the wink, feeling bold with his flirty responce and wink, that he knew always left this beautiful boy in front of him blushing. Magnus eyes went even wider at that and Alec was rewarded with the pretty pink in the boys cheeks rising even more. "Ohh. I promise, i will come back to that at a later given time. But how about we get you settled first hmm, my boyfriend? You must be exhausted from the ride here." Alec nooded and took Magnus hand, not even trying to protest when Magnus took his backpack and they started walking. "Gosh i really like you Magnus. Oh and just for the record - like you are one to talk. Who is not able to keep his hands of who here hmm? You look even more pretty than normally right now. And normally is already on the level of "oh shit how to talk". No fair." Magnus kissed his nose and responded: "Guess being with the person you like really makes you prettier." And Alec couldn´t agree more. "And happier ..." Alec muttered as he leant forward to kiss Magnus. His boyfriend. 


	11. All you sinners stand up sing Hallelujah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me is back with another chapter for you lovelies :3  
> This one is more fluff which i hope you can enjoy :D  
> the next chapter we´ll go back to saphael :D  
> as always thank you all so much for the love- this is motivated by your love and ideas which i always adore :D  
> lots of love to my beta jul who even helped me when we had exam hell :D  
> also i must mention my lil baby doggie coco, who is warming me right now :D i would freeze without you darling :D  
> alright i hope this is enjoyable for you and if you feel like it leave a comment, i am always super happy to talk to you awesome people :D  
> lots of love(OwO)9
> 
> chapter title from "Hallelujah" by "Panic at the Disco" aka i am huge panic at the disco fan and could not not put a song in here ^^

Being offical with Magnus felt awesome. Not like they needed a label to identify what they had but still. The fact to be able to call Magnus "his" was great and left both boys in a happy mood. They spend the next few days just cuddled up, not willing to let go of each other. They had pushed two beds next to each other in the Slytherin common room so that they wouldn´t have to let go of each other- not even at night. Alec liked to rest his head on Magnus´ chest, listening to his steady heartbeat through the silk of his bedwear. And while he loved the feeling of being so close to Magnus, tangled into each other while they were just being lazy on the bed, he couldn´t help but worry. This felt more than right. But was it? Alec still hadn´t told Magnus the full truth about him. He never had told that to anyone. So were they "right", if Alec didn´t go in there with his right, true self? When Magnus didn´t know about his powers. It was already dark and Alec was still thinking about this. 

Magnus, who had stopped talking with his wonderful velvet voice at some point and assumingly fallen asleep let out a low hum at some point which snapped Alec out of his worries. "My dear Alexander ..." he mumbled with a sleepy and slow voice, while staring to stroke through Alecs hair, what got the boy to relax again. Magnus had such a relaxing effect on him, who was so careful at any given time in order to not reveal his powers.

"... as much as i love this side of you, who always seems to care so much for others and thinks so much about them - right now i would love it if you would only think about me." "I am thinking about you!" Alec answered fast. Although he couldn´t see Magnus expression he knew that he was raising his eyebrows. "You are? And that is making you feel so restless? Hmm." Magnus hummed and this time Alec could really feel his smile on top of his own head. "Well you being so restless on our first night together could either be a huge compliment for me ..." and with a teasing voice Magnus hand creeped up and down Alecs waist, which made small electric shocks run through his body. Alec couldn´t surpress the small gasp that left his body as a comfortable, exciting warmth overtook his body and made his stomach flutter. But then Magnus brought the hand from his waist to between his shoulder blades and his voice when he spoke again had a still soft and loving but also worried and serious tone to it. "... or it could be a worry that we can talk about. Are you second-guessing out relationship? Are we going too fast? I was sure you were ready after your confession today but please tell me if i am overstepping any boundaries. I want both of us to feel happy, ready and respected in and for this relationsh- ..."

As much as Alec loved hearing Magnus talk about them, about "us", he decided to shut the boy up by flipping him over so that he was fully on top of Magnus and then he leaned forward, placing his lips on Magnus´ in a gentle manner. When he pulled back he rested his head against Magnus´ , making their foreheads touch. From so close he could see Magnus´ eyes and feel his breath against his mouth and it made his tummy trip. Magnus´ eyes, always so full of amazement for him stared at him in surprised fascination. "I think now i need to shut you up from worrying ..." Alec whispered against Magnus lips and the boy gave him a cocky smirk in return. "Oh i know a whole lot of ways for you to shut me up Alexander. And even more ways to make your brain shut up." Alec went red and Magnus gave him a flirty wink, placing his hands on Alecs back. 

"Buuuuut- that is not for now. First off my most beloved Alexander i want you to tell me what was troubling you. And don´t give me that look - i want us to be honest with each other. And as soon as you are, you can have my hands all over you again, if that is what you want, i swear." Magnus hands went lower and gave his butt a sqeeze which made Alec gasp and rock forward. "M-Magns!" he sqeeked in a mixture of horrified, embarrassed and a bit turned on. "Just trying to prove my point honey. Now spill. Please. I don´t want to watch you suffer from your own thoughts anymore." Alec took a deep breath and actually felt all his worry slipping away just by knowing that Magnus cared so much. "You know ... i was just worried ... just hoping that ... Magnus, you must know that there are things about me ... with me ... that i am not feeling ready to talk about with you yet. Or anyone really. I am not gonna die young or have a secret fiance at the side, it´s nothing like that really. And i am honest when i tell you that i want nothing more than to be with you. Than to be your boyfriend. And i feel ready - we waited long enough and laying here in your arms i wonder why the hell i waited so long when this feels so perfect and right ..." Magnus let out a chuckle at that. Then he nooded and gave Alec another small kiss. "So ... you are afraid that i might dislike you if i get to know that true you. And that i am disappointed since you can´t show the whole real you?" Alec nooded. He tried hard to not read Magnus thoughts. He really was panicing but he wanted to give Magnus the chance to tell him in his own words. Magnus lifted Alecs chin so that he had to look him in the eye.

"You know honey- i think it would be pretty boring if you knew everything about a person after just some time. Where would be the fun in getting to know each other then? We are dating now - yes. But we are also still just starting to get to know each other. And i would love to one day brag about knowing everything about you. And i would love for you to be able to do the same. But we are just starting our adventure together Alexander. That my romantic side wants to say will be one life-long adventure. Cause if i know one thing about you, then that is that you continue to surprise me. And i must confess, i myself have a few things i would like to tell you one day, but don´t want to burden our relationship with yet. I trust you Alexander. If you say it´s fine then i will belive you. Just promise me this, if it becomes a burden- whatever it is, know that i am always there for you. And that i won´t judge you. Ok?" Magnus eyes seemed so honest and open and if Alec hadn´t been keeping this a secret for his whole life from everyone, he might have told him right away. But the wall he had built around himself regarding that matter had become way too thick. However Magnus managed to take that wall down alarmingly fast. Alec smiled at his amazing boyfriend. "I promise. But only if you promise to do that too." Magnus eyes were full of promising hope when he answered: "I promise too, my honey." And those were all the words Alec needed to hear to calm down. It would be fine. He would be fine. Magnus would be fine. They would be fine. They could work this out - together. 

 

On New Years Day they went out on their broomsticks, to fly through the firework that would be displayed at Hogsmeade. "Not so fast Alexander!" Magnus pretended to whine from behind Alec when he left him behind. "Oh no Bane. You´re not fooling me. You just don´t like the fact that you are eating my dust right now." Alec teased and leaned forward on his broomstick. He started flying even faster. "Oh you´re on Lightwood."shouted Magnus after him, which had Alec giggling with excitement. With that Magnus and Alec started their race through the firework. Magnus looked beautiful with all those colours glowing on his skin. And then Alec realized that he really wanted to kiss Magnus right now. So he did. He was kissing Magnus in the middle of all those colourful lights, while still in mid-air. And something about this made him feel so grounded. This was pure happiness. "Happy New Year boyfriend." he muttered in between kisses and made Magnus giggle with that. "Happy new year to you too my dear boyfriend." And they continued kissing til Alec almost slipped off his broomstick. And if Alec knew one thing - he had never felt so complete before. 

 

When his siblings came back to Hogwarts as well one day before school started again, Alec just walked up to them - hand in hand with Magnus - and told Jace that he owned Izzy money from their bet. He quickly ran away with Magnus giggling by his side before anyone could start their questioning, his face already feeling hot, ignoring the excited screams behind him.

 

"Why didn´t you tell me?" Simon accused, Raphael by his side, first thing in the next morning. "Good morning to you too Simon. Yes my holidays were enjoyable thanks for asking." Alec replied sarcasticly. "Nobody tells me anything! I demand a double date!" Simon whined, his head resting against Raphaels shoulder. "Oh hell no!" Alec and Raphael replied at the same time. Magnus however seemed to like the idea. "Magnus no!" Alec told his boyfriend, trying to win this conversation with a stern expression. "Magnus yes!" said boyfriend countered with a wink. And Raphael and Magnus both shared a moment of pure annoyance, while Magnus and Simon knew that their boyfriends were just pretending. Nobody could be annoyed with them for too long, especially not their dearest others. 


	12. You´re in my veins (and i cannot get you out)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So anyone wondering how Raphael is doing during the Christmas holidays :3  
> (yes saphael is coming back!!!! i am excited!!!)
> 
> thanx to everyone who leaves some love (comments etc) after all this time!  
> makes me really happy! would never have thought that people would be interested in this so much!  
> i got kind of insecure lately with my writing but i got this! I love this story too much to just not update!  
> have a lovely day everyone!

Raphael POV

"Simon! Wait! I´m sorry! I should have told you!" Raphael screamed, his own voice sounding way too pathetic. Way too weak. Even for his own liking. Simon stopped in his motion and spun around - pure hatred in his eyes. "You´re a monster. I don´t want to date a monster." Raphael felt tears prickle in his yes. He couldn´t cry. He shouldn´t show this weak side. Never again.

 

 

 

Raphaels eyes flew open. He breathed hard and looked around. He needed some time to register where he was and what time it was.  _Right. Christmas holidays. I´m with my family._ Raphael gulped, noticing how sweaty he was. No wonder he got those awful dreams, when he was here. He couldn´t stand being here. Not when this had been the room where it happened.

He couldn´t believe that it´s already been one year. One year since he had been attacked on that very night. One year since his life had been turned upside down. Sometimes he wished that they hadn´t found him in time. That they would have left him to die. Instead of this.

But then he remembered Magnus and how he had fought with him. And then he remembered all the help he had gotten from the Professors in Hogwarts. And then he remembered Simon. Beautiful, kind Simon. 

There was a knock on the door and Raphael got up. "Raphael. Food is ready. Come down yeah?" said his little sister. "Sure i´ll be down soon." Raphael replied. Then he waited until the sound of small footsteps went away.

He pulled a small box out from under his bed. That´s where he hid it in Hogwarts as well, under his bed in the Slytherindorm, under some family photos. He didn´t want to have to see it all the time. To be reminded what he was all the time. He took a few things out of the box and then opened the small bottle with golden liquid in it. Then he took a sip. A strong potion to block sun so much that even people like him could be in the sun. Then he opened an even smaller bottle with violet liquid inside and took a small drop on his tongue. Aging potion, just a minimal amount everyday, making sure that nobody would notice until graduation,making him age a little day by day. Both potions were made by masters of their profession and Raphael was lucky to have the support of his Professors who helped him get it. He had to keep it secret. And lead a normal life for as long as possible. Fooling himself along the way. And fooling everyone else. 

The only thing that kept reminding him what he was: this constant faking of breathing and blinking and his ice cold skin. 

Raphael put on a new shirt and then went downstairs. His little sister, his mother and father were already seated. "Come sit down honey. You mst be starving! I made your favourites!" cheered his mother. Rapahel raised an eyebrow at his fahter who shook his head. So it was one of those days.

On some days his mother didn´t talk to him at all, ignoring his existence. On others she pretended like nothing had changed since a year ago.

Raphael just grabbed himself some red liquid and went upstairs again. At least he already was as pale as he could get. So nobody would notice if he went even paler over these happenings with his mother. 

One would think that it got better to deal with over time. The ignorance of him. The ignorance of what he was.

Raphael started drinking the blood, the smell of copper filling the room. When he had first started drinking it he had been disgusted with himself. But after starving himself for weeks and Magnus begging him to "Please eat!" he had started to become used to it. 

Raphael was a vampire. And nobody could know. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from the song "in my veins" from Andrew Belle.


	13. Show me your teeth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two updates on one day! What is wrong here!  
> well i thought it would be unfair to just give you raphaels side of the story!  
> So here we go!
> 
>  
> 
> Hope everyone is doing fine in this week without new shadowhunters episodes !  
> Umkasandiary @tumblr (god the art is like awwmazing!!!) is hosting another malecweek2017 with some amazing topics this week! Which i am actly taking part in if anyone is interested :3 it´s right here on ao3 :3  
> i hope i am not overstepping any boundaries - but if you don´t know umkasandiary´s tumblr (and like malec art) you should defintily check it out!  
> and take part in the malecweek if you are interested maybe :3 i always love weeks like this since they are like hella nice! 
> 
> ok me done! Check out my beta jul´s tumblr if you are interested as well (oak07). she one smart bean and my "Hei dude does this work in the harry potter fandom"source. so lot´s of amazing potterhead thoughts on her blog!
> 
> lots of love- kitty

Simon POV

Since Christmas was over Raphael had been acting weird. He still was the sweetest, caring boyfriend ... as much as possible. In his own way. But behind all the hugs and grumpy smiles, Simon could tel something was wrong with his boyfriend. He got lost in thoughts way more often and looked worried at Simon, when he thought the other wouldn´t notice. Like he wanted to say something, but couldn´t quite really form the words. 

But whenever Simon brought it up, Raphael just smiled grumpily and told him not to worry. "As long as i got you i´m fine." And then Raphael would seal Simons questioning mouth with a kiss. As lovely as that was, Simon couldn´t help worrying. 

 

He didn´t mean to pry on Raphael, but then he stumbled across Alec and Raphael in the corridors. They were talking to each other in hushed voices. Or more like Alec was talking, while Raphael looked done. Without really knowing why, Simon hid behind a corner, listening in on their conversation.

"Simon is one of the most trusting people i know. Even for a Hufflepuff. If there is anything you worry about - he would never judge you. Talk with him." After Alecs words there followed silence, in which Simon felt his worries crushing him down. If even Alec noticed then it must be pretty bad. "Look i´m not trying to put you in a corner. I know what it´s like to not be able to say something. Just know that i don´t think Simon would push you away. No matter what. I´ve known the byo better and longer than i wanted to at first ... which is kinda Simons fault ... gosh was he pushy to become my friend. But he´s one of the best i could wish for. Simon tends to bring out the best in people, he makes them feel welcome and happy. And i can tell that he really loves you - i mean not hard to tell - one look at his face that is ... If you´re worried about him not loving you ..." 

Simon heard Raphael chuckle. "I know he loves me. No worries there." Simon couldn´t help the giddily blush he got at the sound. Hearing his friend and his boyfriend talk like that about him actually made him all kinds of happy. He still was worried about Raphael, but he trusted him. If he needed him, he would tell him. Til then he could do nothing more than to just stay by his side.

Simon huffed and tried to calm himself before turning the corner. He smiled and waved when the two other boys spotted him. "Hello grumpies!" he cheered. "What are grumpies?" Raphael wondered, voice not really sounding amused. But by now Simon knew him well enough to be able to spot the soft glint in his eyes he got when he saw Simon. "Grumpy groupies. You are mine- obviously." Simon was happy with himself for that pun. "Obviously." Alec muttered and rolled his eyes in perfect synch with Raphael. It was sometimes scary how those two did that whenever Simon said something stupid. "Someones looking happy ..." muttered Raphael, but there was a small smile forming on his lips, that gave him away. Rapahel interwined their fingers and pulled Simons hand to his lips, while still looking at Simon. Giving Simon a kiss on the hand while looking at him. Someone was feeling flirty. When Simon blushed, Raphael smiled teasingly. "I´m not grumpy .. and stop flirting in front of me..." said the other grump, the one that wasn´t his boyfriend. Rapahel snorted. "You so are. Jealous? Magnus has long lessons today right? Already missing your boyfriend? Can´t stand seeing someone flirt when you can´t flirt yourself?" he teased. Alec muttered nonsense but then started leaving the two love-bats. But then he stopped and turned around. "You know you owe me Simon. You suck at hiding. You lucky i didn´t tell Raphael right away." And then Alec walked away for real.

For a second Simon was worried that Raphael would be mad. But when he looked at his boyfriend, he was still smiling, even if he did look a little confused. "You listened? Why didn´t you say something?" "Sorry i didn´t mean to. It´s just- i´ve been, as you know a little worried about you lately ..." ""Simon - i told you. I´m fin-..." "Please!" Simon interrupted Raphael and put a finger on the boys lips. "Don´t pretend that it´s nothing. That you´re fine. I see that something is bothering you. Hell, Alec noticed and that boy is dense as fuck. Just ... you don´t have to tell me. Just know that Alec is right. I wouldn´t judge you. I love you Rapha." Raphael had a bright smile on his lip when Simon was done talking.

"I love you too." he replied. But something sharp scraped Simons finger while Raphael said that. Raphaels eyes went wide with shock and he clapped a hand over his mouth. Simon looked at his finger and then at Raphael, trying to understand what he just had seen. "Fangs?" he said, more to himself than anything. And Raphael looked full of fear when the word left his mouth. The Slytherin quickly turned around and stormed away without another sound. 

But Simon was having none of that. He promised to be there for his boyfriend, so he wouldn´t just let him leave. Not like that. He ran after Raphael, quickly catching up, thanks to his longer legs. "Raphael wait!" And when Raphael stopped walking he stotted tears in the boys eyes. "Raphael! Why are you crying! Please talk to me!" When Simon took Raphaels hand in his, the other tried to shake it off without luck. "I´m sorry, I´m sorry ... i didn´t mean to ..." Raphael started rambling but stopped his own sentence with a sharp intake of breath. Simon shook his head, trying to calm his boyfriend by grabbing both his shoulders with his hands and looking Raphael deep in the eyes. "It´s ok Rapha." "No it´s not! I´m a monster Simon! And i should have told you!"

Simon then pulled him into a hug and was sad to notice that Raphael wasn´t hugging him back. He swallowed that down and whispered in a gentle voice right into Raphael´s ear: "Please don´t say that. Who cares if you got pointy teeth." Raphael let out a dry laugh at that, which held no humor whatever. "I´m a fucking vampire Simon! A blood-sucking goddammit vampire who can´t control his teeth or his transformation anymore as soon as he gets worked up! I´m dangerous!" 

Simons grip on his boy became even tighter. "You are who you are. And i´m sorry that you are still struggling with who that is. But i love you no matter what. And i wouldn´t stop that just cause your food is different. Or because you turn into a bat now and then. Gosh please tell me you can turn into a bat. That would be the cutest thing ever ... wait! Does that make you batman! And me- i´m Robin!?" 

Raphael coulnd´t help the relived chuckle that escaped him. And much to Simons happiness - he wrapped his arms around him too now. "Only you can make batman jokes the moment you find out that your boyfriend is a vampire." he murmured. "And you´re sure you don´t mind ... me?" Raphael added, insecure eyes trying to find Simons. Who was more than happy to hold his gaze. "As much as you are ok with me being a nerd who never stops talking." Simon replied, his self-irony thick. "That..." Raphael seemed to think for a moment. "That ... is debatable. I will just have to know ways to shut you up." 

Simon smiled but then his voice took on a serious tone. "You are so much more than i could have wished ofr. And i want us to work through this. Together. Times changed- you won´t be hunted or any shit like that. But we don´t need to tell anyone, that´s fine. But i think the people closest to you would never judge you. But let´s just take it one step at a time ok."

"I should have known you wouldn´t mind. That you woulnd´t want to break up with me because of... this." Raphael muttered. "That was what you worried about?" Simon asked and Raphael nooded. "Does anyone else know? Are you getting professional help?" Raphael felt warmer with each concerned and gentle word his boyfriend said. "Magnus knows. And of course my family. Also- the professors here. They helped me. A lot. Also with potions for aging and sunblocking. Without them i wouldn´t have been able to keep studying here when i was bitten a year ago."  

Simon looked relived at Raphael when he told him that. "So we´re fine? I mean i know i will be bragging with my hot boyfriend who can turn into a bat to Magnus." "It will take a while for me to be completly fine. And i might keep falling back in that hole. But as long as i got you, Simon - as long as we got each other - I´m fine."

"Same goes for me." Simon replied with a dorky smile and then leaned in to kiss the pretty boy. "Simon! Careful- my fangs- mpf..." Before Raphael could stop him Simon crushed his lips on his. Hard. A hand tangled in Simons hair, Raphael grunted at the intensity and the feelings washing over him. He kept his mouth shut, stupidly denying Simon entrance until the boy pulled back with a huff. His eyes unfocused an his cheeks red, he asked if Raphael didn´t want to kiss him. Raphael started stroking through Simons hair. "It´s not like that darling. My fangs are still out. I am way too relieved right now to gather enough control to pull them back. I don´t want to hurt you ..." he explained. "You wouldn´t ..." Simon blushed even more, forcing to not look all too embarressed about what he said next, but failing. "I don´t mind your fangs ... even if they stab me a little. They are part of you ... so ...." he gulped hard. "I ... actually think it´s kinda hot." Raphaels eyes glaced over with rising lust, looking at this wonderful boy. "Sorry th-that´s kinda stupid ... ehm ..." 

Before Simon couldn finish his sentence Raphael pulled him by the arm down the hallway. "Let´s take this somewhere else ..." Raphael said with a husky voice. And Simon shuddered at the turned-on voice the boy had. 

However when they started making out in a distant part of the libary ( here Simon had hoped he would never become one of those people - but keeping his hands off Raphael deemed to be impossible ) they were caught by an older student and thrown out. While Rapahel muttered something about "having to find someplace better suited" Simon was struck with an idea. "Hei Raph. Can i try something i always wanted to try. And you won´t be offended." he asked. Raph shrugged. "Sure." "Ok..." Simon braced himself to either be hit or not understood at all and then said with the most serious expression he could muster: "I know what you are." Rapahel rolled his eyes at him and for a moment Simon expected him to say: "Yeah i know you do." Or hit him. Maybe both. But apparantly Raphael had decided to play along with his stupidity. "Say it. Out loud. Say it!" Simons eyes widened, clearly surprised that Raphael knew what he was referring to. "Vampire ... Holy shit ! You know twilight!" "After being turned i had to look for reference everywhere. And my little sister liked the idea of me sparkling in the sun. And no i don´t- before you can ask. I wouldn´t sparkle in the sun - i would just burn, if it weren´t for the potions." Simons brain needed some time, he couldn´t stop muttering to himself that "Holy shit my boyfriend is a secret nerd." But Raphael, yet again seemed to just play along with his stupidity and pulled him along by the arm.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from lady gagas "teeth"


	14. Baby, seasons change but people don´t

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies ! It´s been way too long but here we go! A monster of a chapter is out now :D  
> If anyone wants to hit me up and ask me about when the next chapter is gonna be released (hopefully sooner than this one) or just talk to me since i always look forward to talking to you feel free to hit me up on tumblr.  
> It´s shittykittypoopetry as well :D  
> hopefully this chapter will make ya all happy.  
> i had planned to make it several short one instead of such a long one- as i mostly do but i had a feeling that people deserved some plot action going on again! So lots of that in the end of this and especially the next ones :3  
> have a nice day everyone and thank everyone for their support including the lovely people who help me grammar this and deliever some headcanons :)

"Welcome! Ladies and lads everyone in between or out of those definitons! Welcome to the first Hufflepuff game of the new year!" a voice boomed over the quidditch field and Alec would be lying if he said he didn´t drop all his stuff from where he was standing in the Hufflepuff´s changing room. 

He had yet again jumped in for their keeper, since their leg hadn´t healed yet. This time he had offered it himself, feeling brave since nothing bad had happened last time and he had rather enjoyed the excitement that came with playing an actual game. He couldn´t completly understand anymore why he had been so afraid people would find out about his ability. Like that would ever happen in a game like this. People would think he was good at reading people or something. Which he literally was. 

Simon, who was changing next to Alec also looked up when he heard the voice. "Is that who i think it is ...?" he asked and seemed to take Alec´s blush as an answer. He then grinned and took Alecs Hufflepuff shirt and ran outside, before Alec could even register what was happening. 

"Simon! Hei!" While the rest of the team started giggling Alec cursed, quickly grabbed his uniforms coat and ran after Simon. "By Merlins beard - stop Simon!" But Simon just giggled and then took off onto the open quidditch field. "I should have done so much worse than dye your hair pink!" he screamed and then ran after him.

"So yeah lovelies! In case anyone is wondering whose game this even is- well are you blind? Why are you here? Are you still sleeping? Did you drank last night and you´re still hungover? Kidding, kidding. I get that state. I know that state way too well. All of them. Ok maybe not all- but many. Oh well. So, if you really are in a hungover or still sleeping state, congrats to you for even making it here! You are showing true team and or house spirit! Wuhu! This game is Gryffindor against Hufflepuff! But judging by the colours everyone is wearing today, many of you guys knew that! Wuhu again! Oh yeah right! I forgot to introduce myself didn´t i? I´m Magnus Bane, sixth year Slytherin and seeker for the Slytherin quidditch team! So i actually know what i am talking about when i am commenting this stuff, do not worry, you are in good hands, whether or not you are in a state to understand what i´m rambling about. No judging. These games should be held in the evening. Seriously. I think these people don´t know how long it actually takes us stylish loving people to look good in this horrible light." Magnus voice boomed over the field and several other students giggled at his words. 

"I am pretty fucking sure everyone here knows who you are Magnus. You´re a school famous drama queen." grumbled a second voice. 

"Well yes. No shame about being a drama queen. It´s better than being known around school for having a look that could kill. Student are calling you the basilisk prince, did you know that? Don´t ask me where the prince part is coming from, i should be crowned prince not you. King sounds ... old." Magnus answered the second voice and there were curses coming from both sides afterwards and loud noises that sounded like friendly or not so friendly fighting. 

"Anyways! It would be bad manners to not introduce yourself to your audience. One of us has to do it right." Magnus spoke up again after the fighting noises quiet down. "I was asked by our dear biscuit Clary to cover for her since the poor thing is sick and i take my tasks very serious ... well hello! What a nice surprise is this?!" 

Alec was still running after Simon, who was giggling like a mad man, whirling Alec´s shirt around like it was a goddammit price. Why was that dude so fast? Alec had the longer legs, shouldn´t he be the faster? 

Alec hadn´t noticed in all his cursing Simon, how far into the field they had ran. "Magnus? Isn´t that your idiot running around the field shirtless?" The more grumpy voice asked and now everybodys attention was on Alec. Who just then realized that he was still shirtless. He stopped dead in his track and looked up into the direction where Magnus was seated, feeling the blush already raising into his cheeks. 

What Alec couldn´t see because Magnus was too far away, was him getting out his binoculars, he had so he could see everything that went on in the game better, and looking at Alec. After a while Magnus put it down, blinked a few times and then muttered: "Ok. I´m back." To Alec´s complete embarrassment he wasn´t done commenting Alecs state of undress. Alec was still frozen on the spot when Magnus spoke up over the whole field again.

"Alexander! My honey! Gotta say - i love your outfit! Or rather your lack off it! We should ban you from wearing clothes!" Alec then remembered that he still had the uniforms coat in his hand and quickly threw it over his bare shoulders, just when the wolf whistling started. The coat was low-cut, since you normally wore the said shirt Simon was still holding under it, so Alec´s chest was still bare, but it was better than nothing.

"Ok! Enough! I know he´s lovely but wolf-whistling, rally guys? That´s no compliment, i am sure you all can do better than that!" Magnus complained, feeling like a protective boyfriend. But he made sure to end it with a charming voice: "But don´t bother. This dearest blushing Hufflepuff is mine. You are hearing right - Alexander is my boyfriend and mine alone, so i´m allowed to act and say stuff like that. But you guys are not, unless dear Alexander is not telling me something, which he is unable to, i make sure of that fact in many ways, so back off." 

The more grumpy voice next to Magnus started laughing hard. "Now excuse me while i go comfort my boyfriend. Raphael come with me. Get your boyfriend under control." Alec couldn´t help the dorpy smile that spread across his face when Magnus started walking towards him. He hadn´t minded that much, it was just embarrassing, but it had been lovely to see Magnus stand up for him like this. 

Simon, apparantly regretting his own actions after Magnus words, came running to Alec, gave him his shirt and apologized: "Sorry. Didn´t mean to ... sorry." Alec just laughed and destroyed the smaller boys hair with his hand. "Don´t worry about it. I am not all that mad- Magnus just likes to play the protective boyfriend. And i gotta say i love him in that role, so worth all the embarrassment. I mean it´s the same when we walk around in the showers or at the beach so i don´t get it why people make that huge a deal out of being half-naked. But don´t tell Magnus i said that - he likes feeling protective." 

Simon grinned up at him. "Don´t look too relieved yet. You are aware that i am gonna pay you back for this right. And it´s gonna be worse than pink hair." Alec added and Simons grin fell. But then he gulped and shrugged. "Fair enough. I had that coming." he muttered.

"Simon Lewis! You idiot!" A voice then said behind them and they saw Magnus and Raphael coming closer. "He only knows my real name in cases like this? I knew Magnus knew my real name and was just pretending!" Simon complained. Alec made sure to stop his raging boyfriend with a smile before he could kill Simon. "Mags. It´s ok. I don´t mind that much." 

Magnus seemed to calm down at those words of his and then studied Alecs face. "You sure my dear?" he second guessed. But Alec was sure so he nodded. "Fine. For today i´ll let you life Sabrina. Idotic Sabrina! I mean i got a sight for sore eyes but still." Magnus winked at Alec who just giggled at his lovers complains, that weren´t really complains. 

"Hei Rapha? You´re my boyfriend! Defend me please? He is calling me Sabrina. That is too much!" Simon therefore whined at Raphael, who looked unimpressed. "Why should i? He´s right- you are an idiot Sabrina." Simon looked ready to freak out when Raphael teased him like this. But then Raphael added: "But you´re my idot Simon." That seemed to shut Simon up with a blush and he just grumbled: "Oh now you know my name. I am gonna make you moan my name later, so you will never forget it again." And now Raphael shut up too with a heavy blush covering his ears. How that was working since he was a vampire - Alec wasn´t sure if he wanted to know. This idotic couple was just staring at each other, blushing all the way. Not like Alec and Magnus were better most of the time. 

Magnus stroked his finger over Alec´s chest, which was still bare and for a second Alec was ready to forget about the rest of the school watching them and just get lost in this feeling of Magnus hands on his bare skin. "Soooo. If you don´t mind it that much - does that mean you will fly like this today? With nothing else than this? Hmmm?" Magnus asked while playing coy, fingers sending dirty small magic sparks through his body and Alecs groaned at that. "Mags..." "Please Alec? Do it for me? Be my eye candy?" Magnus blinked up at him, fingers now drawing small hearts on Alecs skin. Alec was between horny and amused and just shook his head. "I´d rather be your eye candy, yours alone that is. Later. So stay patient my Mags." he muttered and then placed a kiss on Magnus´ mouth, quick but sweet. Magnus had a happy smile on his face now and seemed content with that answer. "Fine. But i like what i saw." 

 

Playing against Gryffindor meant playing against Jace, which was an adventure in itself that left Alec happy and excited for the game to start. A game, an offical one to top, against one of his siblings was something Alec wouldn´t like to miss out on. The Lightwood siblings loved to compete against each other at any given opportunity. Not because they liked to beat each other. It was their own way of supporting an checking on each other. Maybe growing up with their strict parents never around - and when they were for once they would only show demands and not love - made them have to find other reasons to fight. And not give up. And if that meant learning from each other through competing while loving every second of it, then Alec didn´t want to change that. 

Alec had to grin when he stepped onto the quidditch field, this time in full uniform luckily and saw both Izzy and Max sit in the crowd. Apparantly they fairly enough hadn´t been able to decide it they wanted to cheer on Alec or Jace and therefore had ended up supporting both, judging by the fact that hats, scarfs and facepaint were in both house colours. Alec couldn´t help the pride smile that broke across his face. Adrenaline swept through his body with every cheer. Where his first offical game had been nerves mostly, his second had him shaking with excitement. He started to understand why people were so obsessed with this sport even better. The thrill was killing him.

"Scared Potter?" Simon nudged him in the side while they went to swear on a fair game with the other team. Alec had to frown at that. "It´s been twenty years Simon. And you are giving me the one line from Malfoys and Potters hate-flirting that never managed to quite leave Hogwarts with them?" 

"Oh come on! Humour me! Poor Draco was so far stuck in the closet - wonder if the ever were locked into said closet and made out? Their tragic lovestory never quite left the schoolgrounds - i mean Draco! Choosen to serve Voldemort at such a young age! And Potter - the choosen one! It´s like Romeo an Juliet - real tragic. They were meant to be but never quite could be." Simon was way too much of a history nerd for his own good. But not like Alec was one to talk. 

"I don´t think Draco really hated him. More like wanted him but couldn´t have him? That must be frustrating. I mean i still hear former Slytherins who went to school at the same time telling around how Draco had them help climb a tree that he couldn´t climb himself just to look cool and flirt with Potter.  That must be true devotion. And always making fun of Potter? Must have been because he didn´t know how to accept and act on his feelings. Like a lil kid lifting the skirt of his crush or something." Alec explained and Simon chuckled. "You want me to ask Magnus if he can wear a skirt for you to lift?" Alec frowned but blushed at the same time because of the image his mind was presenting him to that statement. "Oh shut up..." he muttered and took his place in this weird "shake hands and promise to be fair ceremony".

All their joking around however came to a quick end when they saw who was standing next to Jace in the line-up. Alec threw his brother a questioning look, who looked just as mad at this as Alec felt. Jace shook his head and face palmed. Somebody was truly excited about this unexpected teammate. Not. Obviously. Alec didn´t even have to read his mind to know that this was his "don´t even ask i do not approve" gesture. 

"I thought he was banned from the offical games for this year after that incident." Alec heard whispering going around. "Probably daddy buying him his place back on the field. Pressuring Hogwarts til they gave in.", someone else said.

Next to Jace stood Sebastian Morgenstern. Beater of the Gryffindor team. He had been banned for a while from playing after stretching but never quite breaking the rules one too many times. (At least he stretched the rules so far that no one was able to really know if he was breaking them or not.)

His arrogant look, like he was sure he could control everybody reminded Alec so much Valentine Morgenstern, his father. And he felt his blood run cold. Sebastian smirked when he noticed Alec watching. "Scared Lightworm?" he said, pronouncing the "worm" louder. Alec hated how clichee his answer was, considering his previous conversation with Simon. But he started to understand why Potter always used those two words to reply Malfoys mockery. It felt strong. "You wish." 

The lineup was as awkward and unpleasant as it could get with Sebastian around. 

"I refuse to shake hands with a dirty mudblood." he said, disgust clearly showing on his face when one of their Hufflepuff beaters, a muggle-born wanted to shake hands with him for a good game. And for a blissed and naive second Alec thought that he was joking. Because this was the 21th century and after the final fall of Voldemort people surely had moved on from those stupid thoughts. Finally. But then Alec saw the face of their beater fall. Looking shocked and humiliated. 

 _How dare he ... call her such a thing! Just because our upbringing was different!_ Simons thoughts raged. And Alec couldn´t agree more. This wasn´t the first time Alec had to watch such a thing happening. And clearly not the first time he felt embarrassed for his own kind. The kind of family he grew up in, still full of "Pureblood" believes. And he wanted to change that. He and his siblings wanted to. But it was hard. 

When you´re raised a Lightwood you grow up with the saying: "We are Lightwoods. We break noses and accept the consequences." But didn´t especially that mean that you should act on what you believe is right even if it might get you into trouble. Alec shook his head. He was clearly overthinking things. Yet again. He should just act on what he believes to be right.

"Hei Sebastian. Shut up." Alec growled as he stepped in front of the boy, so that he was chest to chest with him. Jace once had told him that because of his height he looked the most scary when he did that. And he wanted to scare that fuckboy off so badly. He didn´t like his height on most days. Him being so tall meant he stood out whereever he went and he wasn´t comfortable with that. But if it meant he could look down on Sebastian, thanks to it, like the jerk always did on other people, then he would take it for this sake. He felt satisfaction when Sebastian looked startled by his action, flushed and then stepped away.  _Fuck not so close. Back off._ Sebastian thought and Alec couldn´t help his grin.   
  
"What is it to you Alexander?" the mocking tone in which Sebastian said his full name made Alec remember why he used to hate that name. Out of everybodys mouths except Magnus´. "You´re like me. The Lightwoods are a family with honour. One of the last ones left, after they were all sent to prison or killed after Voldemorts death. You should carry that name wisely. And not hang out with people like them. Dirty blood. Who don´t belong into this magical world. I expected better from you than standing up for dirt like that. Or are you a bloodtraitor? Must be. Disgusting. You must be quite a disgrace for your family. As the eldest of the Lightwoods, what a disappointment. But not like your siblings are any better right?" 

Alec wondered how he managed to not punch the lights out of the boy right now. Years of selfcontrol probably. But something inside him screamed that Sebastian was right. That he really was a freak. And that made Alec freeze up. 

 _Stupid poop Sebastian just insulted his siblings. And him like holy. Is he just gonna take that?!_ Simon wondered, giving Alec a concerned look but Alec found himself still frozen.

 _I am a freak. I am keeping secrets from everybody. I am a failure. I shouldn´t be like this. He is right. I am bad for my siblings. And they are probably too nice to tell me that. Because they are perfect. So perfect. I wish our parents would see how perfect they are. And not reproduce my failure onto them._ And just like that Alec´s thoughts wandered to a very dark place. Until Simon stepped up for him, obviously having enough from Alec´s lack of responce. "Hei Morgenstern." Before anyone could understand what was happening Simon moved. He was good at surprising everyone really. Wow. He swiped his hand across Sebastians face in one swift motion. "You got mud on your face. You big disgrace. Somebody better put you back into your place." And all the present students who understood the reference to the queen song ( which were more than Alec would have thought but muggle music had gotten pretty popular lately) went "Boom Boom Clap".

And they continued to sing the lyrics in loud voices, continuing with their boom boom clap until they got even some people in the crowd to join in. And if it weren´t so funny to watch them all sing this song in a passive-agressive matter then it would have been kind of scary with how intense it was. It seemed almost like it was a secret thing to start singing this song whenever someone said something offensive against muggle-borns, since everybody had a kind of scary face that seemed to say that they knew exactly why they were singing the song. And the moment Alec allowed himself to listen in on all these thoughts seemed to confirm that. Alec made a mental note to ask Simon later. If it was a secret thing he so had to learn the lyrics. 

Because the freaked out look Sebastian had at all that was so worth it. "Freaks!" he screamed and then stormed off with an also irritated looking crowd of his followers follwing him. The rest of the Gryffindor team just face palmed, including Jace who gave Alec another look that seemed to screm: "Please save me from this hell."   
  
"Normally shit like that would have him expelled. That creepy fucker ... hei Alec! Bro! You alright?" It was Jace´s concerned voice and him gripping his shoulder that brought Alec fully back to reality. "Stupid idiot thinks he can say everything just because his father is an asshole with influence. It´s so bad to play on one team with him." Jace complained. "Well but he kinda can say everything because of just that fact, can´t he." Alec had meant to sound tough but his voice sounded weak, like he was seconds away from breaking down. And here he hadn´t wanted to show how much Sebastians words had actually gotten to him. Gotten to him in the worst ways possible. Alec frowned when he heard his voice like that. "Alec..." Jace started but Alec cut him short. "It´s ok. We are going to make him eat dust. Right guys!" Cheering by Simon and the rest of his teammates followed. He grinned at Jace cocky. "We are going to ruin your team. Even with Sebastian on it. You better don´t get all soft on us now." Jace grinned back. Just as cocky. "I wouldn´t have it any other way bro."

Alec didn´t feel like giving up. He just felt like he should stop caring. "Heck yeah" came cheers from both teams this team. "The game is on!" Alec shouted, the adrenaline of having his teammates to rely on making him feel unbeatable. 

 

Alec didn´t trust Sebastian on the field for one split second. But he couldn´t do anything about it. He had been allowed to play again. The game started quite spectacular with Jace and Simon both chasing after the quaffle like mad man. Neither of the two chasers wanted to loose this chase. 

Sebastian apparantly just decided to make it his job to annoy Alec on the field. Morgenstern´ son had had the weirdest obsession with Alec since they were little kids and their parents set up play dates for the two pureblood heirs of big names. (Of couse they had in mind that a friendship between them would bring a benefit to their families. How that was supposed to work, Alec never understood. But even as a kid his parents never had let him do something without a benefit or goal in mind. That´s why going to Hogwarts had been Alec´s rescue of this life.) It always seemed like Sebastian wanted to compete with him over everything, but it a much worse way than Alec did compete with his siblings. If Sebastian didn´t win he would be pissed about it. But he wouldn´t let Alec know. Instead he would tell lies to their parents about something bad Alec had done. Which had hurt Alec quite badly back then, since he had tried so hard to be the perfect son his parents wanted. It was so bad for him how his parents believed Sebastians word more than his own, scowling Alec even if he truthfully denied it. And it was even so much worse to hear his parents thoughts, telling him they actually knew Sebastian was lying. But they wouldn´t go against the son of such an important business partner. 

Thanks to Sebastians thoughts however, Alec knew that Sebastians father was much worse than his own parents. So much harsher, so much more unforgiving. So Alec let it slip, let Sebastian lie about him all he wanted. Until they entered their first year of Hogwarts and Sebastian starteed not only spreading lies about brokes plates he had broken himself, but actually harming people. And blaiming it on Alec. 

It seemed to be Sebastians lifegoal to annoy Alec as much as he could. And spread as many lies about him as he could. Which was stupid since nobody believed them anymore anyways. Except for his loyal followers. 

"So i heard rumours about you and Magnus Bane?" Sebastian started, ripping Alec out of his thoughts, as he flew over to stand right in front of Alec and the goal. Alec felt irritation rise, since the last time someone had talked to him like that it had been his Magnus. And now this. Hopefully this wouldn´t ruin his memories. 

Alec raised a unimpressed eyebrow at Sebastian, hoping that he was carrying his most annoyed look. (It was hard to pull that look off lately, when he was constantly on cloud seven thanks to Magnus. Simon already had told him that he might have to change his nickname from "most grumpy Hufflepuff" to "most blushing Hufflepuff".) 

"Yeah? You heard rumours? I wasn´t aware your hearing went past what your daddy tells you." Alec countered. Gosh his irritation was raising with every minute. "You could have told me, Alec. That you swing both ways!" Sebastian fuckin winked at him. "I am not that old-fashioned. ( _So being a predujiced idiot is called old-fashioned now. Why did no one inform me._ Alec thought mockingly to himself.) I think love is beautiful in all kinds as long as it´s pure. Which of course means that the pure should stay pure. Therefore a pureblood should love a pureblood only, no matter the gender. The dirty blood shouldn´t try to mingle with pureblood." 

Alec started to prefer the Sebastian from ten minutes ago who had been insulting him. 

That he could somewhat handle. But now it started to feel like he was low-key flirting with him. Eww.

A smug grin crossed Sebastians face with his next words: "You do know Magnus is only a dirty halfblood right. I mean you could have choosen worse. His mother came from the pureblood family Bane. But i think i would still be a better pick for you. Just imagine what our brilliant brains and family names united could achieve!" 

"If you are after the family-name why not go for Izzy. Would make it easier with the offspring as well." Alec replied sarcastically, not believing all this nonsense. "Not like you would have a chance with her. She wouldn´t need us to, but Jace and me would beat you up before you get a shot. Max would probably join in too, throwing his biggest books at you. And if you like some miracle are able to survive that Izzy would have no problem beating your ass." Alec added and really hoped that would scare Sebastian off. But his cocky and flirty attitude didn´t change by his words. "It is you i´m after Alec. Your talent and brain. Your untainted pure body." Alec actually felt annoyed by that statement more than he wanted to let Sebastian see. Just because he was a virgin didn´t mean that he was as pure as everybody made him to be. And it´s not like he was in a hurry to change the fact that he was a virgin.

"For fucks sake Seb! No! I won´t date you!"  Alec said, 2000percent done with the world. Sebastians smirk however didn´t disappear, which annoyed Alec even more. "What? Not gonna threaten me with "Wait til my father hears this" anymore Sebastian?" Alec mocked, just wanting him gone. "I think we don´t need our parents to handle this. I´m sure you´ll come to your senses."

And Alec didn´t like the confidence in both his words and thoughts. But before Alec could ask what he meant, Magnus voice echoed over the field, sounding utterly annoyed. Which was charming since Magnus always managed to sound nice no matter what he said but he let all the charm drop when he said the next words: "Hei Morgenstern! Stop flirting with my boyfriend or we will have a serious problem with each other! And don´t get me wrong i know Alec can defend himself. But i watched this long enough now and i decided to just let my cutie know he has my support if he needs to smuggle worms in someones food. Not stating names. I could always hex you off your stupid broom and nobody would know." 

"Just wait and see Alexander." were the last words Sebastian said before finally leaving him alone. 

Alec had to giggle at all the names Magnus called Sebastian in his thoughts and all the ideas for tricking him into some trap full of pink bodypaint that he wouldn´t get off til weeks later. 

 

Alec was surprised to realize that Sebastian, after all the shit he had said, was plaing weirdly nice. Weirdly nice in his case meant like any normal player. This behavious however only got Alec to worry more. Sebastian in all these years had never been a fair player. Alec tried to concentrate on Sebastians thoughts but there was too much going on and too many people so Alec could only get bits and pieces.  _Nothing ... happened yet. The plan is ... action. I hope ... Maybe i should tell him ... what ... to do. I ... want this._   

Not being able to concentrate on his thoughts enough to actually understand them fully only frustrated Alec more. He let out a frustrated groan while defending the next quaffle that was send his way. Scaring the poor Gryffindor chaser that had thrown it  for life. "Aaaannnndd Alexander saves that dirty ball from entering his hole with a skilled move! I don´t know about you guys but i think it´s gotten way too hot in here!" Magnus voice commented and Alec couldn´t hide his rising blush. 

"Aww look at my flustered Lightwood! By the way if i find any of you calling him Alexander - i will find you and end you-r sweets everyday. And if you don´t like sweets i will find other ways to take away your small joy." 

"Jesus! Magnus! Get yourself under control! Your comments have stopped to be even remotely about sports." Now it was Raphael speaking. Except for sassy side remarks the man hadn´t said much yet. But now he was appartanly fed up with Magnus. "Excuse you Rapha. I am trying to motivate my boyfriend. If you think you can do better feel free to enlighten me. Hey Simon you should listen. Your boyfriend is about to drop some support. Which is a very valued comment on sports events thank you very much." 

Raphael grumbled something but then actually started commenting. "Hei Simon! Stop drooling. Move your butt. If you don´t score at least three more goals you can forget to go all lovey with me anytime soon." 

 _Oh no! He´s hot! When he gets commanding like this especially! This is making everything only worse. Aaaahhh._ were Simons last thoughts before he flew off, fast like lighting. "See?" was Raphaels comment on that behaviour. "Works better like that."

"And where was this "more sports talk" then what i did before? I am sure Alec prefears my way of motivating. Hei Alec! If you agree - be pretty!" Magnus said, a smirk in his voice. Alec blushed even more, avoiding eye contact with every of the oter players, especially Jace who was grinning knowingly. "See! I won!" Magnus sounded way too smug with himself. Alec could imagine Raphael rolling his eyes at that. "Dios mios. Let the boy life."

If it hadn´t been for the alarmed look Sebastian wore when Alec scanned the field after those comments, Alec would probably picked up on the change way later. 

Everything suddenly felt colder, his breath coming out like fuggy puffs in the sudden icy air. And Alec had never felt quite like this before, all of a sudden. It felt like all the happiness he had ever felt was being sucked out of him. Everything felt sad and Alec started to feel utterly exhausted. It started raining and thunder was heard in the distance, where there had been sunshine not even a minute before. 

Did nobody else deem this to be weird? But then Alec looked at Sebastian again, who appeared to be the only other person who was as alarmed. 

Sebastian was looking into the dark-grey sky, gripping his blond hair tightly, almost desperately, in one hand. Then Sebastians eyes met his.  _Alec_ he thought.  _Dementors!_

And everything in Alec went into alarm state. Not even caring how Sebastian had adressed him directly in his thoughts. 

He saw a black figure start moving towards the field. Alec´s body started to move before anyone else seemed to notice. "Dementors!" he screamed. 

It was the last thing he managed to say before hell broke loose. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I obviously didn´t come up with the headcanon for every muggle-born singing "we wil rock you" everytime someone said something offensive against them. That is an idea that has been around tumblr and everywhere else a lot and if i find the original post again i will make sure to link it but sadly i do not remeber where exactly i read it. I hope nobody takes offense in me using this idea for my story. All rights go to the person who came up with this lovely headcanon. I just really wanted to use it.
> 
> The chapter title was inspired by "the take over the breaks over" from Fall out boy. AKA i will love this band til the day i fade to exist.


	15. Blackout, black, everything black

He had heard about it. Read about it. That even though everything seems to happen in slow-motion, it still all happens so fast. Way too fast. That you wouldn´t have time to think. That your body would move without you noticing. He had read about it countless times. There were many stories to tell after Voldemort had attacked Hogwarts twenty years ago. But never had Alec thought to experience this. 

They were under attack.   
  


A dementor attack.  
  


Screams started to fill the heavy silence as more and more black, hooded, thin figures appeared. A mixture of screams in everyones mouth and everyones mind started to overwhelm Alec. Where exactly his body was moving, Alec didn´t know. Alec knew only one thing - he had to keep moving. Had to keep flying. It made him at least a little bit faster. He cursed the fact that he didn´t have his wand on him. It left him powerless. Stupid quidditch rules. None of the flyers had their wand on them. Alec knew he had to flee. What kept their teachers so long? The other quidditch players seemed to have the same thoughts. 

Jace flew up next to him, he was lucky to even see him in this heavy fog and rain that had started. "We have to keep flying Alec! Even i don´t think anyone here knows how to do a patronus spell. And even if they did - the chaos is too big. Wanna see anyone being able to concentrate on a patronus spell in this mess of people. We aren´t trained for scary situations like this, the best of us are lucky if they don´t freeze from the shock." Jace screamed at everyone that could hear him. Even in situations like this he tried to give instructions when nobody else obviously wanted to take that responsibility, like the born leader he is.

Alec had to agree with him. Even if he had done the Patronus spell before and actually managed it, which he had not, he doubted that he would be able to recall his happiest memory in this chaos. Dumbledore´s army back in the day had trained very hard for this kinda stuff. They hadn´t.   
  
"We are faster on our broomsticks. Let´s give the people on the ground time to evacuate. Distract the dementors! And help those who are attacked." Jace continued. And in exactly that moment one of them attacked. He saw the dementor flying towards him before Simon did. Alec saw the panic rise in those normally so kind eyes, saw the dementor starting his sucking. Sucking out Simons happiness. And if he kept going - No! Simons whole face looked like a blur and he screamed in pain. 

And before Jace could say another word, Alec shot forward. He catched Simon before the boy could fall and quickly got him to the ground where some other students who hadn´t gone completly crazy with panic took him. From this angle Alec could see that most students had been able to hide under the magic shield of the commentator booth, which was used to prevent balls hitting it. He could make out Max, Isabelle, Magnus and Raphael. The shield kept them safe for now but with so many dementors attacking it, it was only a matter of time til it would break.

"Get him under the shield please. It should be safe. For now at least." Alec murmured while thinking hard. 

_Think Alec think dammit. What do you know about dementors. How can you get them away from here? They were drawn to Harry Potter, because he had more dark moments in his past than most people. There was more pain for the dementors..._

"Alec i don´t like that look in your eyes. You only look like that when you are about to do something totally reckless and utterly stupid." Alec just smiled at Simons weakly mumbled words. He couldn´t disagree with him. He was about to try something really reckless after all. And it would be so bad if it worked. But if it didn´t work ... it would be even worse. So he had to try.  _  
_

He watched Simon and the other students walk off to go into hiding. He hid himself behind a row of seats. He needed a second of peace for his plan to work. As he ducked his body on the ground behind the cold stone, he tried to calm himself. He had never tried something like this willingly. And definitly not in such a huge scale. 

_They are attracted to the person with the darkest past. Everyone here is recently thinking about their sadness, thanks to the dementors effect to suck out every happiness. If i can tune in on their thoughts, read their dark moments, i can project their sadness on me. If i think about every sadness i can find in the people here and then think about this sadness myself, making it my own sadness, i should be able to gather the dementors attention. After all it´s really easy for me to catch the emotions of others if i access their thoughts. That´s why i like to avoid it. People would question my behaviour going from happy to sad in seconds way to much. Anyway task at hand Alec. Concentrate. Come on._

Alec knew it was risky. He felt sick after being in one persons head most days. If he was more used to it he probably would have no problem with it at all. But constantly trying not to- well it made his body have kind of a bad reaction whenever he did. Except with Magnus. God he felt so at home with Magnus. That was one of the reasons he had to do this! He looked over to where Magnus and Izzy were helping Simon into the barrier. Their paniced looks. And he saw people on the ground, unconsious and hurt (and nothing more he hoped) and he knew it would even take their professors a long time to get all this under control, even if they appeared right this moment. Time they didn´t have. The longer the dementors could attack them the more dangerous it got. 

He heard Jace screaming around orders in the air. Alec´s breathing became harder. And then he started. Pressing his fingers into his temples he started the biggest attempt in reading as many people´s minds as he could. 

Connecting to his siblings thoughts was as easy as breathing. He had never liked it, but before he had been able to control his ability quite as much he had always ended up in their thoughts. It had always been kind of a safe place to Alec, since their thoughts were beautiful like them. And pure. And so much safer for Alec than those of his parents. Theirs were poisonous. He shuddered at the thought alone. 

It hurt to hear his siblings remembering their darkest moments, to basicially feel all their hurt since Alec had never been good to differ what were his emotions and what theirs. Another reason why he didn´t like to mind-read. The effect of the dementors to such the happiness out and leave only the sadness had clearly gotten to them as well. 

Jace was thinking about the night he had lost his real father.

Max was remembering all the times their parents had disappointed them and talked badly about Izzy and Alec. 

Similar to Max, Izzy was thinking about everytime Maryse and Robert had given Alec shit and her raising fear that one day wouldn´t be able to handle it anymore. That he would break under all the pressure and the shit their parents gave him. And Alec couldn´t help the tears of guilt running down his cheeks and dripping on the ground. It hurt him to find out that two of his siblings worst memories included fearing for him.

But he also couldn´t help the warm and proud feeling in his chest. It was the same for him.  _If anything were to happen to them ...-_ Alec didn´t finish this thought. Couldn´t. It just showed how much they cared for one another. But he felt guilty. He was the big brother. He was supposed to protect everyone. They shouldn´t have to feel this way. Alec realized that their darkest memories were making his own darker as well.  _Oh well. As long as it makes me interesting for the dementors._

Going into Raphael, Simon and Clary´s memories felt like he was overstepping boundaries. But he had already found out about Raphaels dark past weeks ago and had gone and confronted him to talk it out with Simon, since it was ruining their relationship. Of course he hadn´t told him that he knew. It would have been too suspicious and it wasn´t his place to talk when he didn´t know the boy that well. Alec hated it how he knew about people´s problems before they told him, if he wasn´t careful enough. It made it harder to react in a sincere way if people actually told him since Alec had been told multiple times that he was a horrible liar.  _If only they knew. You are such a good liar, you disgust yourself. You lie to people, even your most beloved ones on a daily basis. And how good you have gotten at it. All just because you are such a freak.-_ a voice inside Alecs head said.

He told it to shut up and then concentrated on their memories again. 

Raphaels hurt over becoming a vampire and how his mother was still denying it, acting like nothing happened because she couldn´t cope with it. 

Simons fear and hate-love for his alcoholic mother.

Clarys pain after her mother had fallen into a coma after an accident.

Alec´s hand started shaking. He knew it was getting too much. He allowed himself to feel the pain that was coming with so many dark thoughs. Their darkest memories wasn´t something most people thought of often so Alec wasn´t in danger to pick up on them on a normal day. And with so many people and their thought around as well. His head started pulsing and his vision was starting to get blurry. But the dementors still weren´t giving him any special attention. Yes he felt the pain- but not as directly as someone whose soul had actually been trough this. And he didn´t have two souls or something. So he had to keep going until the pain he felt added up to that. 

It felt like the worst betrayal to go into Magnus thoughs. He loved his thoughts but when he tuned in now all the pain he felt in them almost knocked him over. He only managed to gather bits and pieces, like Magnus was trying hard to not let them win over, but what he could gather made tears stream down his face. Magnus pain was getting more to him than any of those before and it made sense that this would be the key fact of the dementors actually getting interested in him. 

The pain Magnus had felt when his mother had killed herself after Magnus had gotten his letter to Hogwarts and how his father had tried to drown him. How Magnus had to flee to Hogwarts. And it was overwhelming. How did Magnus live so happy if he hurt like that? But then he remembered something he had read once. About how the pain a person could take differed. And that even though the same pain might only hurt you - it might kill someone else. And Alec felt that he started to understand. Last came Alec´s own darkest memories.

The time he had understood what the voices inside his own head meant. The time he had gotten into Hufflepuff and knew his parents were disappointed with him. The time he had paniced over the fact that he would never be able to love a girl like his parents wanted him to. 

And with all those dark memories of all his friends and his own swirling inside of him, Alec stepped on the field. Now he finally got the dementors attention. They had quickly abonded whoever else had gotten their interest. Alec hopped onto his broomstick. Before he could take off he crossed eyes with Sebastian, who was running towards him on the field, clearly alarmed by all the dementors flying towards Alec. 

And it was like once he had allowed his mind-reading to fully take over, he was on auto-pilot now, listening on every thought he could. So Alec couldn´t help but hear Sebastians thoughts too. He couldn´t stop his eyes from widening when he saw his darkest memories. His father hitting him. His father mind-controllig all those people, including him. His father announcing that he was going into politics and how sick Sebastian felt. His father announcing that he would attack Hogwarts with dementors. Alec had suspected it but that didn´t clear his confusement just how he had done it. Even as a Legilimens, that was impossible. Dementors couldn´t be mind-controlled. 

Sebastians eyes also widened. And he directly adressed Alec in his thoughts yet again:  _Now you know Alec. My darkest memories surely told you. Please stop my father. I don´t know if i can._

And with one last nod towards Alec, Sebastian added:  _Be careful._

And Alec couldn´t be sure but it seemed like Sebastian knew what Alec was planning. He wondered how Sebastian knew. Was it because his father was also a Legilimens? But Sebastian himself wasn´t one-right?

But then the dementors were close and Alec had to stop wondering about this. Get his plan into action. 

With one last look into the direction of the crowd in which Magnus was, Alec took off. And all dementors were flying after him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title inspired by "everything black" from "unlike pluto"  
> we have reached the turning point for this story aka the most angsty chapters since dementors so DUH.  
> but don´t worry malec and saphael action will be back :D


	16. Let´s burn the past, forget the truth

Magnus POV

Everything around them had turned into a horrible mess in a matter of seconds. Magnus couldn´t believe it. A freaking dementor attack.  _Such a thing hasn´t been heard of since the days of Harry Potter. And where the ever loving fuck are our Professors!_ he thought annoyed, while sweat dropped down his face from the whole desperate messy situation he found himself in. 

Magnus had believed to be used to messy situations by now and thought he was still able to deal with them as he used to. But appartantly all these years of safety while being in Hogwarts had made him soft. His younger self would laugh at him for panicing in a situation like this. 

"Get him in quick ... oh wait and here ..." Magnus muttered, his thoughts already occopied with the next step they could possibly take for safety, as he spotted Simon being carried to where the barrier of the commentators boot was. He only needed to look at Simon once to be able to tell that the boy had come too close for comfort to one of the dementors. He handed some of the chocolate he had bought for Alec, as a gift after the game since his boy had a sweet tooth, to Raphael who kneeled worried beside Simon. "Make him eat this, he will feel better ..." 

Then he took in the sight before him. "The barrier isn´t made for so many people inside. We won´t fit in. Those who can still fight, we need to go outside. Everyone is hurt and all the young ones should stay inside. The rest of us will have to try to protect ourselves and the barrier from ouside." he spoke up to everyone inside the barrier. He was revived to see that nobody was protesting against this idea. They all knew he was right. 

It still broke his heart to see Izzy bend down to her small brother Max. He hugged her and didn´t seem to want to let go. "No! I am the brother! I must protect you Izzy! Jace and Alec will never forgive me if i let you get hurt! Don´t go!" Max protested. Izzy stroke his head and placed a kiss in his dark hair. "Max i´m in year five. You are only in year one. I know better how to protect myself. I will be fine ok.". Max obviously wasn´t happy with this but seemed to swallow all raising disagreement when he saw the conflicted, scrared smile she gave him. "Please Max. Stay safe." Magnus willed himself to look away. He couldn´t stand to see the determined look Max gave her at that. That wasn´t the look a kid like him should have to carry. He and the other kids around him seemed to have aged too much for his comfort by the simple tragedy that was this incident. 

Magnus looked up at the sky, which was a mess of black figures flying around and quidditch players trying to out-run them. Trying to distract the dementors. Trying to get them away from the barrier that protected everyone inside. Trying to protect everyone else. Magnus couldn´t help but look for Alec, look for a yellow uniform with a pretty boy with messy black locks. But he knew it was no use. The rain and fog made it hard to see as it was and Alec could be further away from the field than he would be able to see.  _My Alexander. Please stay safe._ he begged towards the sky. Then he went back into action. Someone had to keep a cool head. And Magnus wasn´t keen on leading, but he seemed to be one of the only ones left who were still able to talk and think, considering the whole shock. 

The group of older Hogwarts students who had been at the game but not been playing themselves and weren´t hurt or unconsious either was slimm, he noted, as they gathered around him for a plan before they stepped outside the barrier. Izzy, Clary and Raphael were among them and Magnus was relieved to have some of his closer friends nearby for this. There were two more Ravenclaw 6-th years, Ragnor and Catarina, who Magnus also considered friends of his. Then there were Tessa, a Ravenclaw and her two boyfriends Will and Jem, a Gryffindor and a Hufflepuff. Two more fellow Slytherins stepped up, Raj and of all people, Sebastian Morgenstern.  _Oh joy. Why does he care enough to pretent to want to help._ Magnus thought, but then he saw the expression on Sebastians face which looked genuinly conflicted.  _Maybe i was too quick to judge him. He may be an ass but that doesn´t mean he wants people to die. I should know better._

So they were a team of eleven. He had hoped for more but this would have to do. "Our first priority is to put up some wards. With a bigger space to fit as much people as possible inside. Those we have right now won´t hold much longer. Anyone know how to cast wards?" Tessa, Clary and Catarina nodded. "Ok. I do as well. While we cast the protection wards some of us will have to go to the castle and check what is taking the Professors so long. See if they are under attack as well. We can accio some broomsticks for that. While the rest goes out on the field and grabs those unconsious and hurt and get them here." 

"We also need people to protect those who are putting up the wards or at least distract the Dementors away from them since no one can cast a Patronus!" Sebastian added and Magnus as well as the others were pleasantly surprised to tell that he was putting some serious thoughts into this. Sebastian, Raj and Raphael decided to collect people on the field while Tessa, Jem and Will to the castle. Ragnor would try to distract the dementors with a few spells. While the other flid away flew away on their broomsticks and some went to the field to rescue those in need, Magnus and the rest got ready to put up a ward. 

All plans however got thrown out the window with the next few seconds, when Magnus watched first in confusement, then horror, as Alexander stepped onto the field. He seemed to have a short interaction with Sebastian of all people. And Magnus horror only rose when he saw Dementors getting closer to Alec. And then Alec took off on his broomstick. And Magnus breath hitched. He had heard about dementors being attracted to someone. But this was more that just attraction. 

Magnus watched as all the dementors flew after Alec. His Alexander! He was being followed by a dozen of dementors! And he didn´t even have a wand with him! Shit! Magnus had to help him!  _I wouldn´t be able to - to take it if something happened to Alec! Shit no .. I can´t think like that!_ Magnus eyes scanned the floor and he didn´t even hear the calls of protest his friends gave him when he found the nearest broom that had fallen down and hadn´t broken and walked over to it. 

Izzy looked like she wanted to come as well, but stayed behind because of Max and after a warning look Jace gave her when he flew closer that seemed to remind her of that fact. 

Magnus and Jace looked at each other, determination in both their eyes. Their goal the same. Save Alexander from this mess no one was sure how he had even gotten himself into. And Magnus knew one thing. In between all that shit that had went down in his past, Magnus had never before felt so scared and helpless. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title inspired from the song "ten tonne skeleton" by "royal blood"  
> lots of love for everyone ;D


	17. Memories consume - like opening the wound

_You´re a freak_

_If it hadn´t been for you, she would still be alive_

_You can´t dress like that. You look like a slut_

_Don´t become a disappointment like your siblings Max_

_We regret to inform you. Your father has been killed in one of his missions_

_Your mother may never wake up again_

_Simon, my son. Don´t look at me like that please_

_My son is a monster... no... no ... this can´t be_

_You´re a Morgenstern. Act like it and stop whining_

All those emotions of confusement and hurt, both physicially and mind-wise were running wild in Alecs head. All these bad memories he had gathered. It hurt so much. But he couldn´t let them fade, had to keep the pain close to his own mind. Couldn´t let them go. Not yet.

The dementors were getting closer and closer to him, no matter how fast he was flying. His eyes were watering and Alec really couldn´t tell if came all these emotions inside him made him tear up or if it was because of the wind that hurt his eyes, considering how fast he was flying. He really wasn´t sure how he had gotten away from this mess in the first place, only to get into an even bigger mess. He knew for himself that this was probably the dumbest thing he'd ever done, how he could die simply by becoming unconscious and falling off his broom. How he could get killed simply by a dementor deciding to give him a kiss. It was stupid to even try to outrun a dementor and he knew he didn´t have much time. But they desperatly needed every minute they could get until the professors could save them. The only other occasion someone had crossed paths with a dementor on a broom, this person almost died because he had fainted and fell off his broom. Only Dumbledores spell had saved Harry Potter. So if even the savior of the wizarding world had barely survived with the help of the most powerful wizard at that time, how high were Alecs chances then to fight the dementors? There was no strong wizard around right now to save Alec. Where were all of their Professors anyway? He only now recognized how strange it was that none of them were here to help.

It was a way too huge coincidence that there had been no Professors present. None at all! But Alec´s generation grew up in peace, their parents all desperate to gave them the feeling of being safe. They weren´t used to being vigilant all the time and wary at every weird coincidence like the generation before them had to be. That generation would probably have noticed right away that all their professors were missing at the field this morning. Which might have been the key fact to this whole mess in the first place.

Growing up just years after the Second Wizarding War meant that people were still very careful. But more than anything people were tired of being so damn scared all the time. Alec knew he was running out of time - quite literally. Thanks to the dementors chasing him in every direction possible it wasn´t like he could fly straight towards the castle. He debated sending red sparks as a signal that there was trouble. But of course he had no wand to do so. 

Alec cursed Sebastian in his head. Sure, he had warned him about the dementor attack, but only in that exact moment when it had happened. And it was only thanks to Sebstian that they didn´t have their wands right now. Normally it wasn´t usual to have them with you during a game since it could break easily but it hadn´t been forbidden to bring it along. Now it was. 

Surely Alec wasn´t able to perform a patronus spell,because it was seen as very difficult the students began learning it in the last year in Hogwarts. But at least if he had his wand he would be able to do something, not just fly away. Foolish him had been glad when it had been decided that for their own safety they wouldn´t be allowed wands during the games anymore after Sebastian and his followers had cursed other players in order to win. The visitors were still allowed to bring their wands, but not the players of the day. It had only been supposed to be like that for a few games after all. Not forever. And now this!

Couldn´t the dementors have waited with their attack until they had proven to the professors that they had enough fair sport spirit! As soon as they proved that they would have been allowed to have wands during the game and Alec usually brought his along all the time in case of an emergency. Like this! This was totally an emergency! That one time he didn´t bring it goddang it! 

Alec cursed everything, the sadness he was feeling only making his anger worse. It was just so frustrating! He didn´t know if he could trust Sebastian. And he was afraid that Sebastian would tell everyone about his powers. How had he even known? Sure he had a father with the same powers as Alec but that didn´t mean that he could just know! Had Alec slipped up? But when? They had known each other for forever but had rarely spoken to each other in the last few years except some mockery from Sebastians side and Alec ignoring it. And how would he explain that the dementors just followed him. It had been the only possibility but Alec didn´t want to think about the wary looks and questions he would get. If he would get any. Maybe he would just be straight out avoided. What would his friends think? What would his siblings say? How would Magnus react? Alec had fucked up so badly. But it had been the only possibility. There was no turning back anyway. And if it meant saving his beloved- it would surely be worth it. Even if they hated Alec for lying afterwards. First off he had to save himself for as long as he could though. 

And that was looking really bad. The dementors were now closer than ever before. Alec could feel their icy presence, freezing up everything. Alec could see the castle just a little bit further ahead and he pushed himself desperatly to reach it. He saw some students and hopefully professors running towards the bridge, obviously noticing the black dementors in the sky. They were still so far away that they were nothing more than colourful moving dots. 

_Come on Alec. Just a little bit further._

Alec cheered himself on. His whole brain was screaming, tears streaming over his face like a waterfall and he was so very cold. It was just in this moment that Alec ran out of luck. And time. A dementor was suddenly in front of him, so very close that it could hold Alec´s face in it´s hands. The very presence was so bad that he screamed in pain and agony, trying to get away but it was of no use. He started to feel his energy rip away, his vision getting blurry.

Alec could feel the unconsciousness rolling over him like a wave. And there was nothing he could do about it.

Alec was aware of the earth many meters under his broom, he would fall without anyone there to stop it from happening. And there was nothing he could do about it. 

 _You have tried and fucked up you freak. Like always. Now go to sleep. Nobody will care._ said a voice inside him.In his weakest moments Alec had the desire to listen to that voice. And now definitly was one of those moments. Alec´s eyes flew shut and suddenly everything was black. He sensed himself slip off his broom. He heard a scream. Then he blacked out.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise we are going back to some more action soon :3 this build up however is very important for me, for it to make later parts of the story more relateable, to be able to understand some decisions alec has to take in the near future better. For this i think it's important to show how scared he is with this all.  
> Anyways♡ i hope this was enjoyable, if there are questions feel free to leave them or just leave some love- i am always happy to get such beautiful and kind people liking my story♡  
> I promise i'll be back soon with more- magnus pov is coming back ;)  
> Good day♡
> 
>  
> 
> Ch title is inspired by "breaking the habit" from linkin park. RIP chester bennington, a man who teached a whole generation to fight, to break the habit.


	18. A seven nation army couldn't hold me back

Magnus POV

 

Magnus never before in his life had pushed himself so hard on his broom. Surely he was a seeker, it was basicially his job to fly fast in order to catch the snitch and outrun the other seeker. But there never had been real danger in front of his eyes while he was flying. And a dozen of dementors on Alec´s tail definitly was a real danger.

 _Faster! He is still too far away!_ Magnus thought desperately. Jace was just behind, eyes wild and worried, like he would sell his soul to get closer. Which he probably would. Not like Magnus himself was anything better. He had been through a lot of shit, but never before had he been so scared. There had been those awful days when Raphael had been bitten and he hadn´t been sure if his friend would make it. But back then he had been able to be at his friend´s side and he hadn´t felt as helpless. Watching from a distant as shit went down.

Never before had Magnus felt as helpless.  _Now that´s a lie right there. Remember it´s definitly not the first time._ sassed a voice inside him and Magnus wanted to swollow it down. Not let those dark thoughts get him. He was the sparkly Magnus Bane, loved by all and loved all back. He had left those days behind. He was above such miserable, dark thoughts. On most days at least. Right now that ability clearly failed him. It must be the dementors effect getting to him. Sucking out all those happy feelings he had gotten to know after he had come to Hogwarts. Pictures started to flash in front of him. Memories catching him, he had avoided for a long time. Voices ringing in his ears, he hadn´t heard since ages ago. One of those voices he hoped to never hear again. While it was a fact that he couldn´t hear the second voice ever again.

Magnus finding his mother, who had left quietly after Magnus had gotten his letter to Hogwarts.

His mothers lifeless body hanging from a rope.

Magnus finding a letter, that explained how she had been born into an old pureblood family as a squib. A witch without magic was worthless to her family, so she had been treated like that for her whole life. How she had come to hate magic and seen it as devils work. How she had gotten to know his muggle father who agreed with her, when she told him everything. How she had thought it would be fine, Magnus surely wouldn´t be a sinful devil´s brat. Her letter finishing with the words: "I can´t take this guilt my love. Our son is devil´s work and it´s my fault."

His father coming home and beginning to scream. His father doing worse things than screaming.

"MAGNUS!" yelled someone. But it wasn´t the angry voice of his father. Magnus snapped out of his thoughts to stare at Jace who had become very pale in the face. But Jace wasn´t looking back at him. He was looking at something in front of them in the air,which was - oh no! Alexander!

He looked at Alexander just in time to see a dementor right in front of his boyfriend and Alec slipping off his broom. Falling fast to the ground. A scream was let out by both him and Jace as they watched Alec fall into the black lake, frozen in horror. It could have been counted as lucky that Alec had fallen into the lake and not onto the ground. But he wasn´t coming up again. The dementors started flying above the lake. Magnus couldn´t comprehend what got them so interested in Alec in the first place but it was his and Jace´s chance to get down to the lake without being given much attention. 

Magnus couldn´t help the falter in his steps as they jumped off their brooms and ran towards the lake. He stared at the water in front of him, hesitation getting the better of him the longer he stared at it, something he hadn´t felt in a long time. Another memory flash went through his mind- his father holding him under water violently while screaming: "If it hadn´t been for you, she would still be alive!"

Magnus only was able to get himself out of it again by the panic he felt everywhere in his body for Alec.  _It just had to be water,of course. For Merlin´s sake._ Magnus thought and then he and Jace jumped in. 

Magnus blindly searched around in the dark water, his panic getting worse with every second that passed. But he had to find his Alexander! Jumping in that recklessly maybe hadn´t been the best idea, that´s for granted.  _My Alexander. Oh dear. Where are you! Oh holy Merlin, please let him be fine!_ Everything in Magnus was panicking, his collected, charming facade he tried so desperatly to hold up, seemingly crumbling into the lake beneath him. 

How were they supposed to find Alexander when they were half blind in this stupid water! He hadn´t expected it to be this dark! He, in all his hurry, had forgotten to use a spell so that he could breathe under water longer. A wizard who forgot to use his wand! Who forgot to use his magic! Just what was he doing! Such a paniced mess for Alec. He had to calm down!

Magnus swam up to the surface again and took a deep breath when he broke out of the water. The dementors around him still were trying to get into the lake, flying above it aimlessly. Magnus had just gotten his wand out of his coat when Jace also emerged with half-unconsious Alec over his shoulder. "H-How! God Alexander! He is so pale!" Magnus shrieked and put his boyfriends other arm over his own shoulder. "I guess i got lucky to find him in this dark mess. Alec and i, we always had a certain connection to each other. In whatever dark place the other was, we would pull each other out of it." Jace explained with a fond but still worried expression. "But what do we do now? Look around you. How are we going to get out of this?" he added and Magnus had to agree. 

The dementors had noticed them coming out of the water and they managed to duck away with Alec over their shoulders, while they flew closer. Alec actually became more aware of what was going on around him from all the jumping around and weakly muttered: "M-Magnus? Jace?" But with Alec being awake , the dementors also went crazy for him again.

Alec´s face grew pained as he rambled: "Must keep all the painful thoughs up. Must .... get you all safe..." And Magnus had no idea what his lover could possibly be doing to drive all the dementors that crazy but he knew that he had to stop. So he tried talking reason into Alec. "Honey. Please. I don´t know what you are doing and how you are doing it. But you have to stop! Alexander please!" Magnus tried, taking Alec´s hand in his. But Alec just looked back in a daze, putting his own hand onto Magnus cheek. It was cold, so cold and shaking violently. And whatever Alec was going through, it didn´t just have something to do with his body. It was the state of his mind, the eyes full of sorror he was showing Magnus, that made him worry. Magnus knew every expression in those blue eyes.

How they lit up when he was happy. How they clouded over when he was thinking. How they had this mischievous glint in them when Alec was pretending to be grumpy even though he was highly amused. How they got when he talked about his siblings, friends or lately about Magnus. Magnus had studied those eyes so well for so long. But he had never seen them like this. So much pain in them, that it made Magnus want nothing more then hold him close and never let go. 

What was going on here? What was Magnus missing? He was a powerful magician, had been all his life. To survive. Had been able to save himself with magic before. So what could he do now to save the one person he loved like he had noone else before in his life? The desperation must be showing on his face and Magnus felt tears forming in his eyes. He thought getting to Alec, having him in his arms, would save him. But now he was holding him in his arms and he didn´t look save at all. Saving Alec from the dementors was something Magnus could do even if it meant dying. But how could he save Alec from his own mind that seemed to destroy him at the moment?

"Alexander. What can i do? How can i save you?" Magnus asked, tears starting to roll down his cheek. Alec looked at Magnus. And at the same time he didn´t. What was Alec feeling? Seeing? Hearing? Whatever it was,it was keeping a tight hold on him. He seemed to be safe, here in Magnus arms. And at the same time he was anything but safe, mind in a place unreachable for Magnus. "You can´t save me Magnus. I am saving you. All of you." Alec muttered, but it didn´t sound like a thing he was really saying to answer Magnus but more like something he was stating over and over again. From this weird set of mind he was in right now. 

And it was just then that the dementors decided that they had waited long enough, flying closer to the water´s surface and therefore to them than ever before, making Jace and Magnus both swoon while Alec already was too out of it anyways. "We have to get out of the water! See if we can hide in the forest somehow!" Jace suggested, face clearly paler than just a second ago. "But the water is the only thing keeping us safe right now Jace! If we go out they can attack us however they want to!" Magnus screamed back.

"Yes... but if we stay here any longer we will end up unconsious anyways. They are getting way closer now! We will end up drowning!" Jace shot back and as to proof his point, a dementor flough by closely again. Jace seemed to think deeply for a second, his eyebrows narrowing, a trade he and Alec shared, both boys doing it a lot, in Jace´s case more on the field than in class though.

"You know how to put up wards right? You were doing it earlier?" Jace asked. "Yes. But putting those up will take time. Time we don´t have. Especially if i do it myself. The dementors will start directly attacking right away! And the wards wouldn´t hold them back for long anyways" Magnus explained. Jace nodded. "Ok. But we were already seen from people by the castle! There were people running out! Help will be here soon i am sure! So we just need wards that protect us a little bit longer! I can distract them with Alec while you do the wards real quick. And then we can hide until help comes. And don´t look at me like that Magnus, i know that Alec is barely in any state to run. But i still got my broom and my sweet flying skills. We will both sit on it and fly close to the ground, so that it won´t be too bad even if we fall. We will distract them while you work on the wards!" 

And Jace´s plan sounded too good to be true, like it worked more with them being lucky instead of them actually planning it through. And Magnus should know better than to go for a plan that needed more luck then skill, but it´s not like they had a big choice about it. So they went for it. 

Magnus did an accio for Jace´s broom, catching it with one hand. Then Jace and Alec, who was just dragged along, too far gone, went to the shore as far as they could without being out of the water and got on the broom, Jace holding the almost unconcsious Alec in front of him. People would later ask them why they hadn´t just tried to get to the castle again. But they hadn´t been in this situation, hadn´t witnessed how the dementors wouldn´t let Alec move a toe without being onto him. Magnus waited until the dementors were distracted, not like they had given him much attention with Alec around anyways, but better save than sorry and got out of the water as well. 

What spells could he use? Everything was so chaotic right now that he had problems focusing, especially with his mind affected by the dementors, but he had to try. "Cave inimicum" keeps enemy away. "Salvia Hexia" deflects hexes from the area it is casted upon. "Protego Maxima" Bigger form of a Protego Charm. "Fianto Duri" keeps spells alive while person is doing other things. He started doing small-scaled wards, that would barely fit three people, right away. The smaller-scaled the wards were, the faster Magnus would be done after all. Magnus went right to work, saying his choosen spells with a voice that he tried to make sound steadier than he felt.

It went smoothly, Mangus working on the wards, Jace flying around with Alec and many dementors behind them. And if that was something Magnus was starting to consider as something going smoothly ,then that just showed how fucked up everything had gotten in the last hour.

Jace sticked to his promise not to fly too high and maybe Magnus would be able to work even faster if he wasn´t constantly looking at them to ensure that they were safe, but this was a fucked up situation and Magnus was very worried. Jace was a fast flier but he couldn´t run away from those black shitheads for forever.

How are there so many of them anyways? Are they just searching for new victims since Azkaban cut them off after the great wizarding war, and won't let them work for them anymore, since they had showed to be a weakness against Voldemord? Magnus would write a big complaining letter on his magical fashion blog, where he had more followers than his teachers were comfortable with! He could reach many people like that, every age and standing liked fashion, so maybe someone would know something.

It all went well until to the point where Jace stopped flying fast enough or at least something like that must have happened.

All of a sudden there was a dull pain in Magnus back and he was crashed over, his wand getting knocked out of his hand. "Ja-Jace? Alec?" Magnus muttered and both boys gave back a low groan. They had crashed down onto the ground a few feet away from Magnus and the dementors were getting closer again. And Magnus wards were nowhere near done, but they would work a little at least but the two boys were lying over there, dementors getting uncomfortably close and both were unable to move. And Magnus himself felt too shaky to go grab them both and pull them toward the wards. Alec was looking at the dementors with a weird glazed over expression, the same he had had since he had been knocked into the lake, while Jace tried to robb away but was way too weak for it.

Magnus himself was also lying on the ground, too weak to stand up and run over to where the two boys were, the force of them crashing into his back while still midflight clearly been too much for his body to handle on top of the overall exhaustion it had to suffer from the dementors presense. He could see the panic rise in Jace´s eyes. They were out of options. They were far away from Magnus half-done wands and Jace wasn´t didn´t have any strenght left to pull them onto his broom again. "Jace! Alexander!" Magnus could hear himself scream. His whole vision was starting to become fuzzy around the edges but he knew he couldn´t fall unconsious! He musn´t! Wasn´t there anything he could do? Magnus searched franticially for his wand, or a stick, anything he could thow at the dementors to get them away from the other boys. He had no clue where his wand had been knocked to.

One of the dementors took Alec´s face into his skinny fingers. And both Jace and Magnus let out a low whine at that. If the dementor started sucking it was too late. Alec, even in his weird half-unconsious and dazed state could sense the danger and started struggling but he was nowhere near strong enough to flee. Alec cried, actual tears streaming down his cheeks. And Alec´s eyes locked with Magnus right in the moment where the dementor opened it´s mouth. He started forming words with his mouth, his Alexander was starting to form his last words, said silently to his lover. And his Alexander would never be the same.  
Something inside Magnus snapped. A weird shock went through his whole body and he let out a groan. Before he knew what was going on, he held up his hand and shouted: "EXPECTO PATRONUM!!"

Silver light started coming out of Magnus hands and the dementors moves stopped as the silver light took the form of a cat. It lurked over to them elegant but fast to Alec and Jace, it´s tail waggling from side to side. It started swatting it´s paws in the dementors direction and running around faster in circles, looking like a cat that was hunting and jumping to catch butterflies but instead it was hunting dementors. The dementors took off so quickly, Magnus couldn´t do more than watch in amazement. The cat started coming back to Magnus, proud and almost smug looking features on it´s white-silver face. Magnus looked at in awe. "Thank you.." he muttered and then with one last look to see Jace and Alec fall unconscious for real this time, he did the same, the adrenaline of having to keep his friends safe leaving his body. He thought to hear a soft meow before blackness overtook him, like his patronus was telling him to rest.  
He heard voices calling their names and then he was gone.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch titel inspired by "seven nation army" from "the white stripes"


	19. Swear that you will tell no lie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally!  
> The trainwreck that is me and time management with my studies managed to get this finally all done and beta-d!  
> I hope all you lovelies can enjoy it even if it's been a while♡  
> Leave some love and i'll promise to give lots back♡♡

Voices were talking all around Alec. He couldn´t make out any words. They seemed to try to be quiet, talking in a hushed manner. But for some reason everything seemed to be so loud. Way too loud. His ears felt as if someone was ringing a bell right next to them, his head like it was being split in two.

"Too loud ..." Alec heard himself mumble, turning over on his tummy into the soft cushions he was laying on. Even his own voice seemed to be too loud in his ears, making him want to wince and throw a pillow over his head. But he couldn´t get his arms to move, his whole body felt strangely fuzzy all over. Instead of pain he felt like he was on a dozen pain killers, keeping him in a comfortable cutton nest. 

"What is he talking about? Nobody said anything?", asked a voice and - hey, it was Izzy. What was she doing in the sleeping quarters of Hufflepuff? In the boys part none the less. 

"He seems to be waking up. But him hearing voices might still come from his dream." answered a soft-spoken, female voice. Alec couldn´t quite place it, but he knew the voice from somewhere. 

"So Alec won´t fall into a coma? He has been sleeping for so long!" shrieked another voice. Why was Max here too? Alec didn´t remember inviting them and whoever that third voice was. Were they watching him sleep? That was disturbing.

Alec wanted to open his eyes but didn´t find the power to.

"Oh believe me, i know what a coma feels like from first-hand experience. I know what you can and can´t do while being in a coma, Max. Alec is definitly going to wake up any moment now." said the female voice again and now Alec could connect the dots to understand who she was. The female voice belonged to Jocelyn, Clarys mother and school nurse after Madam Pomfrey had retired. She had fallen into a deep coma years ago and it had lasted for months before she had woken up again. The experience had nearly destroyed Clary and still no One knew why and how she had fallen into a coma. 

But wait. If the school nurse was here ... why was she in Alec´s room? Or maybe he wasn´t in his room? Was he in the nursery? But why was-

Suddenly everything came back. 

The quidditch game.

The dementor attack.

Sebastian warning him.

People getting hurt, Simon being attacked, everyone screaming.

No professor coming to their rescue.

More and more people losing consciousness, falling like dominos.

Him gathering all those hurtful thoughts. 

Flying away faster and faster, but not fast enough.

A scream.

Falling into the wet black.

Magnus and Jace talking to him, screaming at him to stop.

Alec trying to save them.

Silence.

A dementor grabbing his face so gently, so so gently, that it made Alec want to give up. 

Listen to his inner demons and give in, give up.

Thinking in his daze how ironic it was, he had always wanted his last words to be a declaration of the love he had been allowed to feel while being alive, not an apology for the time he wouldn´t be there to see his loved ones lifes. And now he couldn´t manage a single word.

A shout "EXPECTO PATRONUM".

White light starting to form out of Magnus´hand.

A white cat. 

The dementor letting go of Alec´s face.

And then total silence.

Alec felt cold sweat form on his whole body, his hand gripping the bedsheet as his breathing got quicker. While he had tried to open his eyes desperatly before, he shut them tightly now. If he opened his eyes, there would be questions. People would want to know what had happened. Would want answers from Alec he wasn´t ready to give. Never would be ready for, probably. He would be judged, wether he answered or not. If he gave them the truth, they would be furious with him. If he refused to give any answers, they woul be furious as well. And Alec felt like that was no lie that would work. 

And he felt that he didn´t have it in himself to lie anymore about this anyways. Not when he had lied all his life.

He had made this decision, knowing very well what the consequense would be. But that didn´t mean that he was anywhere near ready for it. That he wouldn´t try to run away from them as fast as he could. 

Alec now understood what those loud voices in his head meant, which seemed to scream at him and yet he couldn´t make out the words they were saying. They were the words he could never fully get to shut up, no matter how hard he tried. Words he had learned to tune out with years of practise, by building a door with huge walls and locking it tight. Sometimes Alec would open the door a little bit, allowing the voices to filter in, in bits and pieces. Or he would keep the door shut and the words would find their way anyways, through little cracks. But otherwise it stayed locked tight. Something about Alec´s actions on the quidditch field however seemed to have changed that. With Alec allowing a power to take over, he had kept locked away for years, it was like it had destroyed the door Alec had built. And therefore he had no way to close it again, the thoughts coming in completly uncontrolled and unfiltered. 

Valentine probably knew how to handle all these voices. But Alec hadn´t learnt how to control his power. He had learned to keep it locked away.

And never before had they been so loud in his head.

And he´d always had been able to understand them before. But now he didn´t understand anything, it all sounded like weird gibberish. 

 _You have overdone it. I told you to give up. Now you've just made it worse for everyone. Yet again. Congratulations freak._ said an evil voice inside him. And of course, of all the thoughts he couldn´t hear, he still could hear his own way too clearly. 

"I think he´s awake now... Alec? Can you hear us?" asked Jocelyn.

And some part of Alec screamed at him to wake up, see if everyone was fine. But the bigger part of him wanted to save himself for once from those life-long consequences he had feared his whole life, making his eyes keep shut, trying to enjoy every last second he had before the questions started. 

He had planned to take this secret with him to the grave. But of course his life wasn´t that easy. Life just liked to fuck him over whenever he thought he was finally happy. Thats just what it was like to be him.

Alec could keep laying there with his eyes shut real tight forever. But he knew that wouldn´t work. They were getting the hints about him waking up. It was so weird how he for once wished for nothing else more than to be able to tell what they were thinking right now. Which was weird. His whole life, he had wanted nothing more than to stop hearing those voices. And now, when he needed them the most, panicing desperatly over what everyone else knew and thought right now, he couldn´t appreciate it. Couldn´t appreciate the silence in his head.  

Part of him wondered if he could just go back to sleep and be done with it. Maybe when he woke up again, if he gave it some time, he would be able to hear the voices again in something that wasn´t weird mumbling noises. 

But somehow his instincts and his past experience told him that this hazy screaming he heard instead of actual words would continue for a while. He had had his headaches because of his powers before. But nothing like this. Nowhere close.

It was one voice speaking up, that got Alec´s attention away from his panicing and back to reality. 

"Is Alexander awake yet? I have to talk to him ... but he also needs to rest well ... by Merlin´s beard. This is all so fucked up." And Magnus, perfect and beautiful Magnus, sounded so broken and exhausted like Alec had never heard him before. And a part of Alec wanted nothing more than to reach out and pull his boyfriend close, right into his arms and hold him tight until everything was over.

But there was one thing that worried him. What did Magnus want to talk about with him that it required such urgency? He also was concerned for his health still, so Magnus couldn´t be too mad with him right? 

 _Right. Keep telling yourself those lies. Like you´ve done for all your life, feeding all those lies to so many you love. Taste your own poison Alec._ whispered the voice inside him. And Alec never in his life before could have agreed with it more.

That part of Alec failed himself, failed Magnus. He´d rather keep being a coward, but safe and keep worrying those he loved, instead of being brave but confront the unavoidable and stop his loved ones from worrying. 

And so the moment passed in which Alec could have opened his eyes right in the moment of Magnus saying his name. Like it was in all those dramatic love stories, where the loved, sleeping beauty, opened their eyes right in the moment when their name leaves the mouth of their lover in a worried call. 

"Magnus! What are you doing up! You still should be healing up! Over there! On your bed! While not moving a single muscle! You must rest, especially after using your magic in such a strong manner! The dementor attack alone was enough to exhaust everyone to their limits!" said Jocelyn´s voice in a stern manner. But Magnus wouldn´t bow and do what he had been told to. 

"With due respect Miss Jocelyn. I am fine. It all was a huge shock to everyone. And everyone seems to be worried that i might just fall over from exhausting my magic like that, but honestly, i am fine! I feel fine. There are however so many students here after this attack that don´t feel fine at all and need treatment, like dear Jace here, who insisted on not getting treated before his brother wakes up, declaring he wouldn´t leave his side. Which i get. If i had had the chance to, i would absolutely have done the same. So fact is- I´m doing great. Might as well give my bed here to one of the many students who are still waiting to be treated. Who really need it." Magnus explained and Alec had no clue how he still sounded so confident even when sounding half-dead at the same time. 

"Gosh, I hate it when one of your friends is right Clary. I will have to have a talk with my daughter later about getting some less discussion-trained friends." Jocelyn muttered to herself, but she seemed more amused than anything else. "Why do you want to talk to Alec so urgently anyways?" asked Izzy and Alec would have to kiss her as a thank you for that later. 

 _Yes Magnus. Answer Izzy. Coward Alec here can´t ask himself._ taunted the voice but Alec ignored it in favour of listening to Magnus´ answer. Which never came. Because just as the boy spoke up, another voice interrupted him. One that hadn´t been there before. And one that certainly had no right to be here. Alec felt a shiver run down his spine despite still lying on his back. 

"It´s a tragic isn´t it? I still don´t understand how it could happen. It´s a shame i wasn´t there to watch yet, i planned to, you must know. I was looking forward to see Sebastian play and hear Clarissa´s commentary." Valentine said with a voice that was supposed to sound sorry but something about it told Alec that the man wasn´t sorry at all and he wondered if that was just him hearing that, knowing the true colours of the man. 

Every piece of Alec wanted to grab everyone present and bring them somewhere safe. 

"Clary wasn´t even on the field today. She got a sore throat and if you really cared for her, you would have known that. And from what i can tell you didn´t even check on Sebastian yet. So stop pretending. Where were you instead? If you weren´t at the game like you planned to, then you must have had a very good reason to not show up right?" responded Jocelyn, quick and sharp as a knife. And Alec had to note that maybe he wasn´t the only one able to see through this mind-manipulating bastard after all. 

Valentine´s tone sounded irritated, but none the less sickenly charming, when he spoke next and Alec wondered how one could be so sure of himself. But then he remembered that Valentine indeed had nothing to worry about since he would know the second someone near him tried to do any funny stuff.

"I don´t know what you are trying to suggest here Jocelyn, but i think you should calm down before you say anything you might regret." And Alec could hear the voices screaming at him in his head louder again. The thoughts of everyone going wild. Obviously everyone present thought their fair deal of such a shady sounding sentence, that, even if spoken by a charming voice, seemed very much like a threat.

Alec couldn´t help but wonder what kind of past Jocelyn and Valentine had, considering that the man had called her daughter by her full name, he had to know them well. But not well enough to know that Clary hated it.

"And I indeed planned to be there. After meeting up with Sebastian´s professor for Potions, since i was concerned with his grades there. (Alec wondered if he manipulated the professor to give Sebastian better grades.) I was with one of them at all time, though i do not know why i must tell you this. I was present when the unconsious professors were discovered. And since the headmaster was away for the week, me and Professor Starkweather were the only ones able to help the Professors who were either unconsious or in great pain and bring them to you Jocelyn. I wonder who did this. Attacking all the Professors and leaving no trace of a fight. The worst is that none of the Professors seems to recall being attacked. They were just suddenly in pain. So excuse me for not thinking about checking the quidditch field right away. We first went to see if the students in the castle were all right, which by some miracle wasn't attacked as well and by the time we left for the field, dear Lightwood here was already flying towards us with a dozen dementors behind him. If it hadn´t been for this boy´s quick acting, much worse could have happened to everyone. But i don´t need to tell you the rest of the story Jocelyn, you were with us by the time we got to the lake. So don´t make me look like the bad guy. Hold personal grudges out of this. I really wanted to do what was the best for the students of this school." Valentine explained and Alec hated how he could detect no hole in this mans explanations, even though he knew from his son that he was the one behind this all.

Alec wanted nothing more than to get up and scream in Valentines face. Because if he got away this time, who knew what else and worse he´d be doing next. But if he did that, there would be questions how Alec knew all this. And how was he supposed to explain that? Even if he had the guts to just out himself as a mind-reading freak, there still would be no evidence to take legal actions against the man. No confession. Just "thoughts". Plus Valentine would be wary of him. And that wasn´t something Alec needed. Not to mention that he didn´t want to drag anyone into this, this was his fight alone.

And maybe Sebastians, he had seemed willing to help. 

"Why are you here Valentine?" asked Jocelyn, cutting straight to the point, apparantly not buying anything Valentine had said or caring for this self-right speech the man in front of her had delievered. There was something like amusement colouring Valentine´s next words and Alec couldn´t comprehend how someone could find such obvious hate funny. He knew he himself definitely wouldn´t be amused. Oh joy, how he was looking forward to that.

"I am here because of the Lightwood child. There are questions and concerns remaining as to why the dementors were so interested in him. And i would like to be present when he gives his statement regarding to this." Alec was happy that everyone thought he was still asleep. Otherwise he wouldn´t be able to explain the screaming nonsense that was going on in his thoughts. But sleeping minds don't word as awake ones do. And that was his only rescue to not make Valentine cagey. If he wasn´t already, that is. 

If Alec ran into him now, with open eyes, there was no way he could explain what was going on with his thoughts and Valentine would know. And Alec had no way of holding back any thought at the moment. The door was open and everything came in. And Alec had no clue when he would be able to close it again.

 _Maybe never again. You should leave it open Alexander. Embrace the freak you are._ the voice inside him teased and Alec just counted himself lucky that Valentine wouldn´t hear it as clearly with all the screaming going on inside his head. Alec wasn´t even able to surpress his own thoughts anymore and it was so damn frustrating.

"As you can see Sir, Alexander is still sleeping. And once he wakes up, he will need his rest and not questions from a curious bystander. So i would suggest you wait for his offical statement if, and only if, he wants to give one after those tragic happenings. I am sure, if you care for the well-being of Hogwarts students to such great extend, you will agree with me Sir." said Magnus, with an exhausted but firm voice.

One could literally hear Valentine grind his teeth, being told all this didn´t make him happy. But he obeyed. "Alright. I may take my leave for now. Alexander seems to be quite messed up outside and ... inside. I am sure the dementors effect got to him heavily. But i will be back to seek answers only Alexander is able to provide." 

"You are in no place to seek answers!" spot Jocelyn angry, but Valentine didn't seem to care enough to answer her. 

Alec could feel the sleep overcoming him again, a side effect from all this stress just after waking up. 

 

 

The next time Alec woke up again, there was no way for him to pretend anymore. He was sweating heavily and felt scared from a dream he couldn´t remember anymore the second he woke up. 

He shot up in his bed, eyes opened wide. Only to look right into Magnus´ eyes, who looked startled by the sudden movement. There is no one else there. Just the two of them. They stare at each other for what feels like an eternity. Somehow sitting here in front of Magnus, Alec feels like a stranger. To himself. To Magnus, because of all the things he is hiding from this boy. 

Magnus is hiding his fair amount of things, but they agreed that they´d rather swear to tell no lies than tell each other everything.

But after what happened, Magnus must want answers. Answers Alec didn't know how to give without lying. Answers that hurt too much to just be honest about. 

He felt like he had been in such situations way too often for his young age. Where he needed to be truthful, but being honest about it would also mean being honest with himself. And that would cause too much pain. So he´d rather keep silent. That´s what Alec felt in this very moment. He tried opening his mouth, only to slam it shut again. No word leaving his lips.

Magnus looked like he hadn´t slept for a while and Alec could see smudge marks against his cheeks, day-old make-up looking like he had rubbed over it. His hair had lost all volume and was free of any styling product. There were dark circles under Magnus´ eyes that made Alec wonder how long exactly he hadn´t slept. Or how long Alec had been out of it, for that matter. But Magnus eyes, his pretty cat-like eyes, that were always so full of wonder, they were the worst. They looked sad. And confused but mostly tired. And Alec couldn´t blame him. Magnus had seen things that shook him to the core. Things he´d never seen before. And he could´ve walked away instead. But no. He had come after Alec.

Alec who wasn´t ready to tell him anything. 

 _Swear that you won´t tell no lie. Cross your heart and hope to die. That´s what you promised him, right? And what are you doing now, Alexander? If you open your mouth now, you have to lie. You knew it all along Alec. But you´d still rather pretend you had no idea. Truth will come out someday, to wipe that smile right off your face. And that day might just be today. Come on Alec. Look in his eyes. He isn´t saying it yet, but his eyes are screaming it. Maybe he doesn´t have the power to say it, is feeling too betrayed. Come on Alexander. Start lying. Like you always do. You´ve got lots to answer for. Let Magnus know who´s that sleeping in his bed. A freak. Point your finger and deny. Come on Alexander. Now you got no one left you can trust. Not with all this that went down. They all will want to know the truth. Lie already. Or be truthful. But you can´t... You´re a coward..._  the voice inside Alec taunted, way too pleased with all this.

Itwas Magnus´ shaky voice that broke the silence. "Al-Alexander? Y-You alright? Gosh. You´ve been asleep for so long. I-I..." And before Alec knew what was happening, there were equally shaky hands around his shoulders, Alec´s face being buried into Magnus´ chest. He felt a sharp pain when Magnus started stroking his head. Magnus retreated his hand right away, stuttering: "Gosh sorry! You hit your head pretty bad. I forgot. Which is quite stupid cause for Merlin´s sake, you have a bandadge around your head, can´t really make it anymore obvious right? Gosh. Apologies. I am such a mess right now. And definitly not the hot kind." Magnus joked, but there was no heat in it.

He sounded broken. And Alec blaimed himself for that. The voices screaming inside his head were getting louder again, which must mean Magnus thoughts were running wild as well. Not like Alec could blame him. If he had the power to form logic thoughts without the voice of his insecurities cutting in or other people´s thoughts screaming at him, he would be doing the same.

Head injury and dementors. It was actually no wonder Alec had lost control over his own as well as other´s thoughts. It was so ironic. Before all this, he had thought he couldn´t stand those voices anymore. Now he really couldn´t, other people´s thoughts too loud in his head and making him feel fuzzy. 

Before all this, he never had felt the need to hear other people´s thoughts. But now he begged his ability´s to come back, to know if people knew about them yet. If people despised him yet. Or better, if his loved ones did, cause it was only their opinion that truly mattered to him.

Magnus pulled back and looked him dead in the eye, a tired but happy smile on his lips. "I need to tell you something Alexander. And I want that you hear it from me and not through any stupid rumours that are being spread." Alec gulped, but nodded, not really able to do anything else in all his fear. 

"I don´t know how much you remember, but I was the one who cast the Patronus." Alec nodded again. He remembered that much. Magnus took a deep breath and continued. "Fact is... I did it wandless Alexander. My wand had been knocked away. Fact is- I don´t know what happened. I never cast a patronus ever before. I also didn´t know I could do wandless magic. I did some crazy shit with my magic before coming to Hogwarts but i just thought that was normal. Now the professors are breathing down my neck, how i could be an extremly powerful wizard, not only for performing wandless magic at such a young age, but also such a difficult spell. And honestly, as much as i love attention- it´s getting annoying. I´m just me. Your boyfriend who is very sorry for allowing you to get hurt." Magnus rambled and Alec´s eyes softened at that, his panic swept away by the need to care for Magnus.

"You have nothing to apologize for Magnus. And i always knew that you were special. But if you don´t want to make a big deal out of it then it´s fine with me." Alec said. "Thank you." Magnus whispered back happily.

It was then, when silence that would usually be comfortable, settled between them, that Alec´s panic came back.  _Why is Magnus thanking you Alec? You? Of all people! Who keeps lying! So what Alec? Are you going to stay and lie again? Or will you run? ._ And Alec hated how right the voice inside his head was.

 _It´s your fault._  Alec pushed Magnus away. 

"It´s not your fault Magnus. It´s mine. It´s my fault. Mine alone." And as the reality of those words sank in, Alec scrambled away clumsy. Magnus behind him, grabbing his wrist and swirling Alec around to face him again. He saw the tears in Alec´s eyes and let loose out of shock, Alec using the moment to break free.

"I´m sorry. I´m sorry Magnus. It´s my fault." And with those words Alec ran away. With the plan in mind to keep this running game up for as long as he could. He wasn´t ready.

 

 

 

And so Alec started what felt like the longest and largest cat-and-mouse game thats ever been played. He avoids whoever he can. Which is basically everyone he cares about. He still goes to his classes, even though he has to take it easy because of his head injury. He rushes into lessons the moment they start and is out again before the bell rings. The teachers have stopped asking questions, even though they know he isn´t telling them everything. But pretending that his head is hurting gets him out of such situations everytime. And he is grateful that his professors are not being too persistent, he knows that the press is hard on their case, some always gathering nearby to catch a statement. They want answers since Valentine came forward with the story, questioning if Hogwarts is still safe. It is too much like it was a few years back with Voldemort.

The worst about that however is that people start liking Morgenstern even more, the support for his political career rising, since he had been a big help to find the unconscious professors and people also liked his honest words after the event. He just knew exactly what to say to have them all wrapped around his finger. It was kind of really stupid and it made Alec mad. It made him feel like he had somehow helped Valentine to become more popular and that thought alone was horrible enough.

The only person he really still could sit eye-to-eye with, without fearing to be questioned with looks or/and words, was Jocelyn. They weren´t close to each other, so she wouldn´t prey. And he wasn´t stupid enough to keep walking around with an untreated and uncared for head injury. So he had no way to avoid her. He was avoiding confrontation, but he was not suicidal. _You keep telling yourself that._  taunted a voice inside him with the same cruelty he knew by heart now.

But Jocelyn kept true to what she had side on the third day of his solitary life. The day were it became apparent to him and probably everyone else (how would he know) that this wouldn´t just be a one day thing. 

"You know, when i fell into a mysterious deep coma, Clary was much younger then, my now-husband Luke would tell everyone that it had to be an act of jealousy from Morgenstern, when i chose Luke over him. But of course nobody would believe him and Valentine threatened that if Luke spread more lies like this, even worse harm would come our way. So Luke and Clary had no other choice. They kept quiet and waited out the painful year of my coma. Ridiciulous rumours were spreading. But if they had told the truth, most people wouldn´t believe them anyway and they would keep getting hurt. And they had no proof. What i want to say with this Alec: I get it. I get that you might not be able to tell the whole story yet. I wish to see Valentine burn for all he has done. But without evidence, we can´t do a thing. And he is always very clean with his little operations. But first of all - i want you to stay safe Alec. Promise me that much. This man is very dangerous and you can not fight him alone. Consider this when planning your next move." And Alec was glad for her words, He really was. But something about all this just made him unable to open his mouth. All this was so strange.

Jocelyn told him to take his time. Collect evidence first. But could he afford that? Did he have the time for that? She told him that he didn´t have to fight Valentine alone. That he in fact couldn´t. But how could he rely on anyone´s help when he was the only one who knew the whole truth? If he was the only one knowing what had happened and why it had happened. It sounded so easy. Just tell them. Don´t fight alone. Take your time. But it wasn´t easy. 

 _When has anything ever been easy for you Alec?_  taunted the voice inside, alongside the screams of thoughts he still couldn´t understand. 

 

 

Avoiding his siblings was easy. They were in other houses and classes, so as long as he skipped food and wasn´t in the places he usually was in, he would be fine. It was a little cold to sit by the lake or in the owl tower, but it was the best alternative. Avoiding Magnus wasn´t as easy, since they shared classes. But Alec had asked Jocelyn to tell Magnus that Alec needed his time alone to think. And Alec knew how shitty he was behaving. He was aware that there were high chances he was ruining everything that was between them. His whole relationship with Magnus. But Alec had reached a point of no return. 

He was too far lost in not knowing what to do. He had no clue how he was supposed to get out of this again. 

It was on the fourth day of avoiding when he felt Magnus´ eyes on him and made the mistake to look- seeing Magnus´ red, puffy eyes - that he felt a punch in his gut. And into his heart. He had made Magnus cry. His beautiful Magnus. If he was even allowed to still call Magnus "his". Alec had no way to tell since he couldn´t ask or read his mind. 

Magnus, who was being so considerate and giving him time alone, even though he had no clue what was going on with his boyfriend. Alec wanted to embrace Magnus. Tell him everything. Apologize. But he couldn´t. The words stuck in his throat, like a door that had been firmly shut. He had opened a door. But for that he had closed another. The door to his heart was now closed. The door to his mind wide open. And Alec knew, could feel that he would be unable to open this door again on his own. Not when something like that, something he had feared for so long, was happening. He needed help to get on the right path again. But at the same time, he was so tired. He was used to doing this on his own.It was easier that way. And how was he supposed to reach out for help when he had and still was pushing everyone away anyways?

 _Keep going. You know a freak like you doesn´t deserve any of this. A freak and a liar. You have no right to reach out for help._ the voice whispered. So he tore his face away from Magnus searching eyes. 

 

In the hours Alec wasn´t busy running away from his problems, quite literally, he looked for Sebastian. Which wasn´t easy since he had to avoid a brooding Jace, who unlike the rest didn´t like the concept of the whole "Leaving Alec alone to think" concept ,whenever he was near the Gryffindor common room. He had so many questions for Sebastian, how he had known about him. But the boy had disappeared. Yes, Hogwarts was big. But following Sebastian´s schedule, he should see him at least once. It was only on the fourth day when he lied to a professor about planning a joined training for Hufflepuff and Slytherin, that he found out that Sebastian had gone home this whole week and wouldn´t be back so soon.At least not before Friday. Home meaning the Morgenstern mansion. With Valentine. And Sebastian, who knew about Alec´s powers. That made Alec more restless than any unsettling answer he could have gotten from Sebastian. Not knowing was worse than brutal truth. _And here you still are. Lying. Not letting people know._ Alec let out a dry laugh because of the whole irony of his situation 

 

Avoiding Simon definitly hurt, since Alec could feel his sad eyes on him everyday. He often tried to get Alec to open up to him, but Alec kept quiet, only responding with the sentence "i don´t want to talk about it Simon." over and over again.

But then Raphael cornered him one day after class and he looked like he had his fair amount to say about Alec´s behaviour, sending him looks that could kill. And at first Alec was sure that he was mad at him for hurting Magnus and Simon. Before Alec had the time to say something, Raphael already shut him up with words more gentle than he had expected. "Listen Alec, you utter moron. You once gave me really good advice when i was having trouble with opening up to Simon. Do you remember?"  "O-Of course." Alec stuttered, still kind of intimidated. Was Raphael not angry?

Raphael hummed, pleased with the answer "See Alec, i consider you a friend. A great one actually, since you´re not as obnoxious as the other few I have ..." Raphael stated and Alec couldn´t help the sad smile that spread across his lips at those words. "And i can´t help but feel that we are similar... considering that we both have things we so obviously are not able to say. But I will direct those honest, truthful words you told me that day back at you now. Magnus is one of the most trusting people i know. He loves you deeply and wouldn´t judge you for anything. I´ve known the boy for years and he knows me better than I know myself most of the times. He was there in moments where no One cared about me. But he also knows when to back off. One might not think it, but he is also very scared of being hurt, so when he feels that the other person doesn´t want him to intervene, he will stop. But it´s a problem if you both try to avoid the other person. So please. Just talk to him- for the sake of both of you."

Raphael didn´t wait for Alec´s reply, maybe he was aware that the boy was not capable of one. He just gave him a short but gentle one-armed hug and then walked away, but not before telling him: "You know where to find me if you need to talk Alec. Anytime."

And Alec couldn´t help the real smile that spread across his lips. It was tiny, but it was real. And it felt like ages since he had smiled truly, even though he used to everyday with Magnus. Maybe he could get better. Defeat the voice inside his head always telling him no.

He wasn´t alone. He never was. Even when he was by himself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always a lot of love goes to my beta jul♡ i wouldn't be able to do this all so nicely if it wasn't for her reading over it and motivating me♡  
> But also thanx for all the love coming from you guys! It gives me so much motivation and helps me write so much faster, one might not believe it!  
> Chapter title was inspired by "you can run" from "adam jones". Aka the epic song of the riverdale s1 finale.  
> I am still gonna update and i'll try to be faster again, apologies my lovelies ;3

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter title by Jaymes Young song- "I´ll be good"  
> 


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